Get Back
by TStabler
Summary: A year ago, something unexpected happened, and it took him away. It's taken a terrible toll on Olivia and her life is hanging in the balance. Without him, she's nothing. And the only way to get herself back, is to get him back. Get THEM back. E/O CH.20 UP
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I was reading Harry Potter, and this idea hit me. One has NOTHING to do with the other, just letting you into my mind, and how random ideas are born from nothing. =)**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and its characters. TStabler© owns the narrative, dialogue and plot of this story.**

The alarm went off at five, the way it did every morning. Olivia slapped it to shut it up, and rolled over, splaying her hand out over the pillow next to hers. She opened her eyes and heaved a depressed sigh. It wasn't as if she expected him to be there, but it was becoming increasingly harder to tell where the dream ended and the reality began. Her dreams were so much better than her reality. She knew the life she wanted, the life she once had, and she needed to get it back, or it would kill her.

It was killing her.

Climbing out of bed to every ounce of her strength. She plodded to the bathroom, stripped, and turned the shower on, terribly hot, trying to get her body to feel the heat, the pain, something, anything besides what it felt nowadays. Nothing. She'd gone numb. A year without him made her numb.

She robotically shampooed her hair, trying not to see his face, hear his voice, smell him as she closed her eyes. She rinsed the suds down the drain, and with it went the hope that she would get to work and find him returned, find him there, find him at all.

She dressed in silence, clipped her gun and badge to her hip, and walked out the door, not locking it behind her. Not caring if anyone broke in. She had nothing worth taking. Hell, without him, she had nothing at all.

She walked the eight blocks to the precinct, barely noticing that she'd stopped for the cars and the lights. She was running on auto-pilot. She'd even bought her usual coffee without realizing it. Had she really been like this for a year?

She walked into the squadroom, not acknowledging anyone, just glaring longingly at his empty desk as she stood beside it, waiting for a case. She stared at the empty chair and the desk. The phone that never rang, the computer that hadn't been turned on for a whole year, and the dent in the drawer from the last time he was in the room, when he punched it.

Cragen, knowing better than to try to talk to her, simply caught her eye and handed her a pink piece of paper. She took it with a nod and left. No one went with her. No one ever went with her. They knew better.

She arrived at the crime scene and crawled under the tape, barely noticing the young cop that held it up for her. She walked, slowly, toward the body and peered at it through her weary eyes. She imagined the vic taller, with darker hair, and she imagined that if his eyes were opened they would be blue. She imagined the vic was _him_.

They were _all_ him, to her. Since he'd left, every male vic was him, and every female vic her, because that's how she felt. Raped. Beaten. Dead. Every witness was a bad date and every solved case another notch in her bedpost. The only notches she would get, she was saving herself for him.

Melinda Warner watched as Olivia examined the body, running a gloved finger over his face, and then it happened, as it always did. She held her breath as she lifted his right eyelid.

Brown.

Thank God, because no one wanted to be around her when the vic had blue eyes.

It wasn't that she was off her game, she wasn't. She was just _off_. Without him, she was _just_ off. She worked each case alone, by herself, partnerless. She demanded that his desk remain as it was, because he promised he'd come back. She solved cases alone. Interrogated her perps alone. She'd been held at gunpoint alone. She'd been attacked in a dark alley by a serial rapist alone, and she successfully fought him off alone. She woke up every morning alone and she went to bed every night alone.

Wherever he was, he knew what was going on. Someone had kept him in the loop. Someone kept him involved with her life. He knew. What he didn't know was that when he came back, it would be to an empty house. He'd been gone too long. He missed Maureen's graduation. He missed Kathy being granted a divorce due to spousal abandonment. He missed her packing up the kids and moving them to Florida.

He missed Olivia shutting out the world, shutting down, shuttin up, and becoming a shell of what she used to be. What she was, what she only was, when she was with him.

Olivia sighed, finding those not-blue eyes beneath the pale white skin if her vic, and she rose to her feet. She mumbled something about it being just another dead body, proving that when he went undercover and took off, he took her soul with him. She held out a hand and someone, she didn't bother looking, handed her an evidence bag.

Melinda watched her work, noticing she'd lost even more weight. The bags under her eyes were darker. The weight on her shoulders was clearly heavier. Melinda and the Crime Scene Unit, uniformed officers, the EMTs, they all knew Olivia's routine. They all knew what she was going to do before she did it.

They all knew that it would all come to a screeching halt in a matter of moments, and she would potentially, hopefully, return to at least a shadow of her former self.

She dug into the bloody pocket, pulled out the man's wallet, looked at the idea and committed the name and address to memory, then dropped the bloody leather into the bag. Without looking up, knowing someone would be there, she held the sealed bag out to her left. As expected, someone took it.

She let out another sigh, ran her fingers through her hair, and shook her head. She closed her eyes, seeing his face behind her lids, and she squinted him away as she opened them again. She heard voices behind her. One voice in particular, sounding an awful lot like his, and she turned, with a vile, evil, loathing expression on her face.

She expected to see people with a tape recorder laughing, thinking it was funny how the great Detective Benson was nothing without him.

She expected to see someone else, she expected to be wrong, chalking it up to missing him terribly.

She didn't expect him to be standing by a taxi, shaking hands with every cop in New York. She didn't expect to see Cragen getting out of a squad car and running toward him, pulling him into a fatherly hug. She didn't expect him to have a cigarette in his mouth, and she didn't expect him to turn his head, as if cued by an angel, to look her in the eyes. She didn't expect to cry when she saw him.

She didn't expect any of those things, but they all happened.

She swallowed the tears and blinked once. He was still there, still looking at her with as much pain in his eyes as there was in hers. She felt her heart stop, and the world moved beneath her feet. Before she hit the ground, she whispered his name for the first time in a year. "Elliot."

**A/N: My goodness, that was heavy. Want to see what happens? Review, please? **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: She wakes up to face something she was both ready, and not so ready for.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and Characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story, and all of its parts, belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia's eyelids fluttered open, she saw the people crowded around her and felt the cold hands cupping her face. She swatted, pushed, shoved and kicked everyone off of her. "Off! Get off!" she yelled. "Get the fuck off of me!"

"Detective Benson," an EMT cried, "You should really..."

"I'm fine," she spat back as she pulled out of his grasp and walked away. She didn't look over her shoulder as she said, "I don't need..."

"Liv!"

She stopped. She stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around, slowly, feeling her heart pound. She looked at him, her eyes wide. That was his voice. His face she was staring at. He was _really_ there. She rubbed her eyes, thinking it was impossible. He had to be a dream. She hit her head when she fell and now she was hallucinating, that was it. She turned her back again, walked faster. He called her again. Her blood ran cold and she stopped, turning around.

"Liv, please," he cried, walking over to her, slowly, as he had in most, if not all, of her recent dreams.

Once he was close enough, Olivia reached out a hand, this time he was the one that stopped moving, and she cupped the side of his face. Feeling him. Making sure that he was real. The tears filled her eyes as her fingers stroked his stubble.

Elliot didn't know what to do. He was stunned. Motionless. Speechless. She'd never touched him like this before, and he'd never seen the look in her eyes before. He looked into her brown orbs and, where he could usually see right down to her soul, he saw a vast, empty abyss.

Her fingers traced the contours of his face as her other hand came up to caress the other side of his face. "El," she whispered.

Elliot nodded, his own tears building. "Yeah, Liv."

The little common sense she had left dissipated into the smoggy, city air as she threw her arms around him, holding on for dear life as if he'd vanish in a moment, as if she'd wake up. She gripped him, pulling him toward her as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, inhaling, breathing him in.

To her surprise, and truth be told, to her intense relief and delight, he hugged her back, pulling her just as tightly, breathing her in just as strongly. "God, Liv," he whispered, his eyes closing, his own slow, silent tears falling.

Cragen looked on, from a distance, and felt his own tears rising. Watching them like that broke his heart. It would have broke the hearts of everyone watching if anyone else could see them.

Elliot's hands ran down Olivia's body, he felt so relived, but so guilty as he asked, "Liv, what happened to you?"

"Me?" Olivia asked, hurt in her voice. She pushed him away, suddenly, looking at him with her red, slightly puffy, dark, sunken in eyes. She swallowed hard and said, "You." She narrowed her eyes a bit, feeling anger, resentment, an unexpressed rage building. "You left, you asshole. You were gone for a fucking year! You went undercover, without me, it was supposed to take two weeks, you were gone for a goddamn year!"

Elliot tried to speak. "Liv, if I could have come back, I..."

Olivia interrupted, yelling louder. "Your wife left you, your family's gone, she's selling your house! You destroyed your life! You have nothing now!"

Elliot blinked, swallowed, and tried to speak again. "I know all of that, Liv. But I still have..."

"You have no idea, Elliot!" Olivia barked, interrupting him. She laid a hand on her own chest, yelling louder still, digging her fingers into her protruding collarbone. "I'm your goddamn partner! Your fucking best friend, Elliot, and I had no idea where you were, if you were alive or dead! Not knowing, worrying, you killed me! Fuck, you slowly sucked the life out of me, Elliot!"

Elliot pulled her back to him again, ran his hand down her arm, letting her yell at him the way she clearly needed to. "I'm so sorry, Liv. I didn't..."

"I can't eat," Olivia yelled, cutting him off again. "I can't sleep for more than three hours at a time, I haven't said two words to anyone outside of work, and during work I'm an insufferable bitch because every fucking thing reminds me of you! I can't think straight, every fucking minute of..." She paused, her heavy breathing slowing and her wide eyes staring at him as she realized what he'd told her, and she asked, "What did you mean, you know? You knew your wife left?"

Elliot sighed and nodded. "I knew when Kathy left, yeah," he said, guiltily. "I knew when she took the kids. But I know that they're coming back. The kids. Not Kathy." He wiped a hand over his face, looked right into her eyes, and said, "If I would have know about you, though...I didn't know that you...he never told me you were...I would have come back if…I didn't think..."

"No," Olivia said, shocked, interrupting him yet again. "You didn't fucking think! Who never told you what? Who the hell knew how to contact you? Who the fuck knew where you were?"

Elliot laced his fingers with hers unconsciously, and she unconsciously squeezed his hand. He squeezed back, this time knowing he was, and said, "Fin."

Olivia's eyes welled up with tears again. "That son of a bitch," she muttered. "He knew? He saw what I was going through, and he fucking knew, and he didn't..." she stopped. She yanked her hand out of his and turned her back on him. She walked away, heading toward the red sedan.

"Liv!" Elliot yelled after her, running to catch up to her. "Liv, stop! Dammit, Olivia, Stop!"

Olivia stopped. His voice ringing loud and clear, really coming from him, not her dream version of him, made her stop again. The tears fell as the reality that he was back sunk in and her knees buckled. She cried heavily as she leaned on the car, thanking God it was there to support her.

Elliot reached out, grabbed her, and pulled her back into his arms. "I didn't know, Liv," he whispered. "I swear to God, I didn't know."

Olivia returned his embrace willingly, and now that _no one_ was around to see her, she really cried. Into his chest, she sobbed hard and said, "Where the hell were you?"

"San Fransisco," Elliot said, clutching the back og her head, "Working the Ruskoff case."

Olivia held on tighter, surprised that he was actually holding her, too, tightening his grip, caressing her, as if he loved her. "For a year? It took you a year, El?"

"It was bigger than we thought, Liv," Elliot explained, sniffling. "The ring was interntaional, and there were so many girls, and so many men waiting to buy them. When I was supposed to pull out, I wasn't anywhere near where I needed to be. Liv, I had to stay and finish it, those girls needed someone to end it all. Someone had to save them, Liv."

Olivia pushed him back, looked up into his foggy, tear-filled, blue eyes, the eyes that she looked for in every vic, and saw every time she closed her own, and she said, "It had to be you?"

Elliot smirked slightly, proving he was still the arrogant bastard she knew...and loved. He tilted his head. "Who else was it gonna be?"

Olivia cupped his face in her hands, again, still trying to prove he was real and he wasn't going to disappear. She leaned in closely, and Elliot's breath hitched. He swore she was going to kiss him. He wanted her to kiss him. She didn't, she simply spoke. Her voice sounded broken, hollow, as she asked him, "Are you gonna save _me_ now?"

Elliot's tears dropped, rolling down his stubbly cheeks as she asked the question. He saw the severe desperation in her lifeless eyes, the paleness of her skin that once was shimmering and golden. He looked her up and down and saw her pants barely staying on her hips and the jacket she seemed to be swimming in, and he remembered how the teal suit she was wearing once hugged her body perfectly. She was almost gone. "You've never needed saving before," he whispered, realizing just how much of her his absence had really killed.

"No, I haven't," Olivia said, sniffling. "But why don't you try spending a year without the only person you've ever..." she broke off and shook her head. "Without your partner."

"I _did_," Elliot choked out. "I'm not gonna make you say it, but I know what you were gonna say, Liv. And I _did_ spend a year without the only person I've ever, really..." he paused, figuring if she didn't say it, then he wouldn't. Not yet. "Without you. You're not the only one who's hurting, here, Liv. I was a wreck, dying, just like you were."

Olivia swallowed the tears and wiped her eyes, blinking back the shock, surprise, and the leap her heart gave when she thought, maybe, he almost said he loved her. "Good," she said.

"And I didn't come home to nothing, Liv," Elliot said, brushing the hair out of her eyes. He looked at her with so much warmth and love in his eyes. "This year made me realize a lot of things, and I didn't come back when Kathy left. I let her leave. For a reason. I knew I wasn't coming home to Kathy. I came home to you, Liv."

Olivia gasped, knowing what that look in his and those cryptic words meant. And then she panicked. Neither one of them was allowed to say that. They weren't even supposed to think it. "What the hell are you talking about?" she asked, her rocky, cold demeanor shining through again. "You have no fucking idea what you're talking about."

Elliot shook his head, not surprised by her reaction at all. He placed a hand on her lower back and walked her around to the other side of the car, opening the door. "Liv, stop, calm down," he said, looking into her eyes. "I know exactly what I'm talking about. Come on, Liv. Cragen will understand if you take the rest of the day off. I'll take you home. We'll talk, okay? We'll get Chinese, and we'll talk."

Olivia nodded once and got in the car, unsure of whether to be excited, scared, or both about what they were heading into, where the conversation they were about to have would lead. All she knew, as she heard him open the driver's side and felt him take the keys out of her pocket, was that she was terribly happy he was home. She turned her head and saw him, staring at her, with huge tears in his eyes.

Elliot started the car, never taking his eyes off of her. "I'm never leaving you again," he whispered. "I'm back, and we're gonna…_you're_ gonna be okay."

Olivia looked at him, watched him, the whole way to her apartment and she tried to believe him. He was back. She only hoped he wasn't too late. She had grown used to her new lifestyle, which wasn't really living at all, and she wasn't too sure if him coming back would be enough to get _her_ back. She wasn't sure he could save her.

**A/N: Next chap, if you'd like, will be a nice long talk, a few admissions, a few revelations, and the first step to getting back. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Chinese food and conversation. Changes?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and Characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story, and all of its parts, belongs to TStabler©**

Elliot pushed the door to Olivia's apartment open, holding his breath. He hadn't been here in a year, and he was nervous, scared, excited, and a little anxious. He wanted to say, and do, so many things that he'd thought about in the last year, but he knew that throwing everything at her at once would break her. He looked at her as she walked into the living room and realized it couldn't happen. She was already broken. He sighed and put the bag of food on her coffee table.

"I'm...I'm gonna change," Olivia said, without looking at him.

Elliot watched her walk into her bedroom, and he took a deep breath. The scent of lavender filled his lungs, as did the musty smell of dust and stale air. He walked over to the window behind the couch and opened it, then he looked around. He couldn't be too sure, but the place had not changed in a year. At all. Her book was in the same spot. There was a DVD on the coffee table, one they'd been watching the night before he left. The cover was dusty. It hadn't moved in a whole year.

"Jesus," he mumbled to himself. He stepped into the kitchen and, with a shaky hand, opened the refrigerator. Nothing. Empty. Completely empty. He closed it and opened the freezer. He found a bag of ice, a container of coffee, and a single bottle of vodka. Unopened, which was a relief. He shook his head as he closed it and moved over to the cabinets. Each one was opened, revealed nothing, and was closed.

"What are you doing?" her voice from behind him wondered out loud. "Elliot, what the hell are you doing?"

He turned and gasped at the sight before him. Her sweat pants, hung low on her hips, and tight NYPD tank top, finally revealed her figure. Where she was once curvy, she was now angular, hard. She still had a figure, but it was nothing like what it was before. There was not an ounce of fat on her body and her muscles, though soft, were incredibly well defined. She would scare anyone into submission if she threatened to hit them. Her collar bone and hips were slightly protruding, and Elliot knew that it was all his fault.

"Elliot?" Olivia questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Everything's empty, Liv," he said to her. "I wanted to check...there's nothing in here, Liv."

Olivia sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I told you, I couldn't eat. I ate at work, or ordered something when I got hungry."

"Which clearly wasn't often," Elliot whispered, looking at her. He walked toward her, took her hands in his, and led her to the couch. "I got all your favorites, Liv. Chicken and broccoli, vegetable lo mein, egg rolls..."

"I'm not hungry," she cut in, looking away from him.

Elliot squeezed her hand. "Eat. Please? Liv, honey, I'm so sorry for what..." he sighed again, and scooted closer to her. "Liv, look at me."

Olivia slowly brought her eyes up to meet his, and she felt her heart swell. He was still here. He was real. Her breathing picked up speed, and she bit her lip. "What?" she asked.

"Liv," Elliot began, "If Fin had told me what was going on with you, I would have come back. You have to believe that."

"You didn't come back when your wife left you," She spat, it came out harsh, scoffing.

"Yeah," Elliot said. "Because I knew she was leaving me before I went undercover. I expected her to leave, Liv. It...it didn't surprise me," he explained.

"Fin never told you? He never, not once, told you what was wrong?" Olivia asked, her eyes narrow.

Elliot shook his head and squeezed her hand harder. "I asked how you were every time we spoke, Liv. He kept telling me you were fine, that you were doing great. He told me stories of you kicking ass and taking names, and I thought..."

"He lied to you," Olivia said. "Does it look like I was fine? Does it look like I was doing fucking great?"

"No," Elliot whispered. "You're not fine," he said. He let go of her hand, took off his jacket and dug into the bag.

Olivia looked at him and noticed that he, too, lost weight. He was all muscle, like her, but he looked good, not sick. A warm chill ran down Olivia's spine and she knew she had to stop staring. She cleared her throat as she watched Elliot fix two plates of food. "When did you start smoking?"

"Oh," Elliot said, as if he'd just been caught stealing money from his mother's purse, "Uh, it took about three days for me to crack. I needed something to calm me down, Liv. I was a monster. I was reckless, nervous, depressed, I couldn't stand it."

"Couldn't stand what?" Olivia asked, taking the plate from him and immediately putting it down on the coffee table. She gasped when she saw the look he was giving her.

His eyes bored directly into hers as he said. "Being away from you, Liv. I told you, you weren't the only one this was killing. I was dying, but I had a job to do." He ran a hand down his face and scratched lightly at his stubble. "I tried to come back. Twice. But Fin kept telling me Cragen wouldn't let me. He said if I quit then it would cost me my job, the chief's order's not his."

Olivia let out an angry chuckle. "Of course. So, why did Fin know, El? Why didn't I? You didn't tell me, your partner, your best friend! Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell him, Liv," Elliot said sadly. "The chief decided on the person who knew how to find me. Cragen couldn't even get in touch with me if he wanted to, everything had to go through Fin. He was my contact. And right now, more than anything, I wanna fucking kill him."

"So do I," Olivia said, staring into Elliot's eyes. "Believe me, El. So do I. Shit! All he had to say was...he just had to tell me you were okay, tell me you were alive and I would have been..."

"I know," Elliot interrupted, moving his hand back to hers. "I know that now, and when I get my hands on him I'm asking him why he didn't." He wanted to kiss her, again, he had the urge to kiss to her. He swallowed it back. "You're not eating, Liv."

Olivia shrugged. "I told you I wasn't..."

"Liv," Elliot cut in again, "I'm here, okay? I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere. I kind of can't, since I have no where to go. I'm staying with you, by the way."

Olivia chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Right," she said.

Elliot squeezed her hand, and she looked him, she gasped. He had tears in his eyes. Elliot, the strongest person she knew, was about to break. "Please, baby," he said. "Eat something. I don't want...I want you back. I wanna get you back." He pulled her into his arms, shocking her with his emotion.

"I'm right here, Elliot," Olivia whispered, her hands wrapping around him and her eyes closing.

"No, Olivia," Elliot whispered back. "You're not. You're not and you know it. And it's my fault. I'm so sorry, baby."

Olivia pushed him back a bit, and looked up at him, quizzically. "Baby?"

"Oh, uh, I, well..." he paused, pulled back completely, and wiped his eyes. He picked up her plate and handed it to her, then picked up his own. "Sorry," he said quickly.

"Don't, uh, don't apologize, El," she told him. "Just tell me where that came from."

Elliot took a deep breath, and let it out as he took a bite of his egg roll. He smiled when Olivia, though her bite was significantly smaller, mimicked his actions. "I did a lot of thinking out there, Liv. Ya know, when you're alone, that's all you can do."

"Tell me about it," Olivia scoffed.

Elliot gave her a sympathetic look and swallowed his food. "I made it a point to keep track of my thoughts, ya know? So I wouldn't forget who I was and start becoming Rick Stanfield, child trafficker. So I wouldn't be myself when I couldn't be."

"Standard undercover shit," Olivia said, poking at her chicken. "I get it."

Elliot nodded. "Well, I realized, after a couple of weeks, that the first thought in my head when I woke up and the last thought in it before I went to bed, Liv, they were about the same person."

"Your kids," Olivia said, forcing herself to take another bite of her egg roll.

Elliot shook his head. "No, they were, uh, surprisingly, my second thought."

"Kathy?" Olivia asked, her brow furrowed.

Elliot laughed. "I didn't think about her at all. I only about how much different my life was gonna be without her. Liv, I thought about you. A lot. I saw your face every morning, heard your voice every night. I missed you so fucking much. I had the most vivid dreams about you. Sometimes they'd be boring, ya know? Us at our desks doing paperwork and laughing, and sometimes...don't hit me...Liv, we were not doing paperwork." He gave her a suggestive look as he bit a piece of chicken.

Olivia looked at him, wide-eyed with the egg roll in her hands, her mouth in mid-bite. She froze.

Elliot chuckled. "At least you're not hitting me."

Olivia put the egg roll down and cleared her throat. "Well, you'd have to hit me back, El."

"No, I would never hit...wait, what?" he asked, realizing what she meant.

"I've had some, uh, pretty intense dreams about you, too," Olivia admitted. "I guess it's true, what they say. You don't know what you've got till it's gone."

Elliot put his plate down and slid closer to her. "I knew what I had, Liv. I knew the whole time, I just couldn't do anything about it."

"I missed you," Olivia said with a smile, new tears springing to her eyes.

"I missed you, too, Liv," Elliot said, picking up her egg roll. He held it out to her and laughed when she took a small nibble. "You're gonna have to do better than that," he said.

Olivia shrugged. "It's gonna take time."

"We've got time," Elliot said. "We've got plenty of time." He kissed her forehead and sighed when Olivia dropped her head to his chest. He held her as they ate, though she didn't eat much.

"Do we?" Olivia asked, taking small bites of broccoli.

Elliot looked down at her and nodded. "I'm not going anywhere. We've got all the time in the world. You need me, Liv. I need you. This..." he paused and made a small gesture to indicate their situation. "This can't happen again. It killed us both."

"You smell like an ashtray," Olivia said, though it was clear she wasn't moving.

Elliot laughed. "Yeah, I'll quit, I promise," he told her. "But it's gonna take time. Right?"

Olivia sighed, hating that he used her own logical words against her, and she nodded against his chest.

He felt her lighten and relax, and he knew that the emotion of the day had eaten away at her. "Tired?" he asked, though he knew the answer.

Olivia nodded again.

"Well, why don't we put this stuff away, and we'll take a nap for a few hours," he suggested. "When we get up, we'll clean this place. I mean, really scrub the shit out of it. You and me. Mister and Misses Clean." He smirked at her and folded his arms.

Olivia chuckled and nodded. "I guess I haven't really been, uh, housekeeper of the year."

"Well, Liv, it's been a shitty year," Elliot said.

"Truer words have never been spoken," Olivia said, shifting away from him.

He got off of the couch and he helped her clean up. She brought him a blanket and a pillow, and told him that he had some old workout clothes in the hall closet he could change into.

"See you in a few hours, Liv," Elliot said, kissing her forehead again, like a kiss goodnight.

Olivia nodded with a small smile as she plodded into her room, and as she crawled into the bed, she smiled, the first real smile she'd felt herself make in a year. He was back, he was home, and he was going to be there when she woke up. He found his way back to her. She only hoped she could find her way back to him before it was too late.

**A/N: What do they talk about/find when they clean her place? What does Elliot say/do to Fin? Is Olivia's attitude at work different now that she has her partner back? Shall I continue? **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Cleaning out the skeletons from the closet, almost literally.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and Characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story, and all of its parts, belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia awoke, slowly, from an incredible dream. She sprawled her hand over the pillow next to her, knowing he would not be there, but as her eyes opened, she smiled. He wasn't in her bed, but he was in her apartment. She rolled the sheets off of her body, wiped the sleep out of her eyes, and walked into her living room. She saw him, on the floor, with a box in front of him. He didn't look up at her, he spoke, knowing she was there, looking down into the box.

"Why, Liv?" he asked, biting his bottom lip.

Olivia sighed, walking closer to him. "You were supposed to wake me up, El. You weren't supposed to start cleaning without me, and no one told you to clean out that closet. You shouldn't even be in there."

"Why, Olivia?" he asked, again, yelling now. "You know how many of these I didn't have copies of? That I may have wanted?"

"Those _were_ the copies," Olivia said. "Originals are in boxes in my bedroom closet."

"Why are they all…in here like this?" he asked, holding up torn pieces of photographs, broken frames, and some burnt, charred, pictures.

Olivia ran a hand through her hair. "It hurt," she said, shrugging. "You were in every single one of the pictures I had in this place, El. I couldn't stand coming home to them anymore! Jesus, every where I looked I saw your face. You were fucking haunting me, Elliot."

"So you thought you'd destroy all of them, instead of just putting them away?" Elliot asked her, pushing the box toward her.

"I was pissed," Olivia said. "Check the box, El, I'm sure my heart is still in pieces somewhere in there, too, because doing what I did broke it. I cried for hours, cursing at each and every photograph as I ripped it, burned it, or crushed it. When I was done, and saw the mess I'd made and realized what I did, I panicked. I tried taping them all back together, then I cried even harder picking up the pieces…I couldn't bring myself to throw them away."

Elliot blinked, speechless, looked down into the box, and said, "You said these were all just copies, right?"

Olivia nodded.

"Okay, then," he said, scooping the destroyed pictures and frames out of the box and tossing them into a large black garbage bag. " We'll go make copies of the pictures, buy new frames, put em back where they belong. Problem solved, Liv."

"It's not that easy," Olivia said, biting back the tears.

"Yeah, Liv," Elliot said, nodding, throwing away the last of the damaged memories, "It is. You just have to want it to be."

Olivia sniffled and looked at him. "El," she said, "Why are you here?"

"Because Kathy sold my house," Elliot said, chuckling.

"Elliot," Olivia said, telling him she didn't mean it that way.

Elliot sighed and got up off the floor. He walked over to her, looked her right in the eyes, and said, "I've been gone for a year. Being away from you sucked out my soul, and clearly it did the same thing to you. Don't you know why I'm here?" he asked. He cupped her chin between his thumb and forefinger, and smirked. "I think, in order to be fully functional, you and I need to spend a lot of time together, Liv. I think, in doing that, we'll find out why I'm here, with you, instead of trying to apologize my way back into Kathy's life." he rolled his eyes. "Not that i would wanna do that." He looked back at her and asked, "Don't you think that our reactions to being apart were a bit much for two people who are just supposed to be partners?"

"We are more than partners," Olivia said, still looking at him. "Friends," she said.

Elliot chuckled. "More than that, too, Liv," he said. He tugged on her chin, gently, and placed a soft, tentative, gentle kiss on her lips. He barely touched them with his own, and he felt a spark, a fire, than he'd never felt before. He looked at her as he pulled back, surveying her reaction, then dropped his hand from her chin. "Why are you crying?" he asked, confused and worried. "I didn't want kissing you to make you cry."

Olivia waved a hand in front of her face, and took a deep breath, stopping the tears. "I'm not crying," she said. She looked around, noticed that the place was spotless and there were several black bags, tied up, near the door. "How long have you been cleaning?" she asked him, wiping her eyes.

Elliot shrugged. "I never took that nap, Liv. I didn't even need one, I just…I knew _you_ needed to sleep."

Olivia smirked at him and said, "I actually slept. Best sleep I've had in…"

"A year," Elliot said, finishing for her. "Speaking of sleep, Liv, I don't want to be forward, or invade your privacy, or push you into anything, but you only have one bed and I really don't wanna sleep on the couch, so…"

"Yes," Olivia said without thinking.

Elliot laughed. "Okay, then. I promise I'll stay on my side," he said, heading back toward the closet. "You wanna help me with this?"

Olivia nodded, walking over to him, slowly. Her lips still tingled, and it wasn't even a real kiss. She felt different inside, and she knew that her world had just changed. She sat on the floor in front of him and pulled another box out of the closet.

Elliot cringed a bit, having the ability to see her bicep ripple beneath her transparent skin. "Pizza will be here in a few minutes," he said, anxious to get her to eat again.

Olivia's eyes widened. She had to fight to get that egg roll down, and now he wanted her to eat pizza? She didn't know if she could. She hadn't had it in a year. "Good," she said, opening the box. She felt the tears coming back and pushed the box toward Elliot. "That's yours," she said, squeezing the bridge of her nose.

"What?" he asked, reaching inside. He pulled out three of his hoodies, well worn and faded. He smirked, then said, "At least you didn't burn them."

Olivia chuckled through her threatening tears. "Thought about it," she said.

"Why, uh, why are these in a box in your closet, Liv?" he asked her, wondering why the sweatshirts she loved to steal from him were tucked away.

"They, uh, smell like you," she said, looking down at the floor.

"That's a bad thing?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "You always used to tell me I smelled pretty damn good."

Olivia, still not looking at him, bit her bottom lip and said, "For the first few weeks you were gone, they were all I would wear. I needed to remember that, somewhere, you existed. I needed to smell you, feel you, it was like...almost like holding onto you. But then when I realized _why_ I…I didn't want to smell you anymore."

Elliot folded the blue hoodie in his hands, dropping it to his left, and scooted forward toward her. "Why?" he asked. "Why did you need to hold onto me like that?"

Olivia shook her head and cleared her throat. "El, I…" she paused and looked him in the eyes.

"Yes?" Elliot interjected, eager, anxious, hoping he'd be able to finally hear her say it.

There was a knock on her door, then, and Olivia leaped up, lunging toward it. She'd never been so happy to see the pizza boy in her entire life.

* * *

"If you eat it any slower, it's gonna go moldy before you finish it," Elliot said, biting into his slice.

Olivia slapped him in the arm, and said, "At least I'm eating it." She ripped a bit of crust off and popped it her mouth.

"That's not eating, Liv, that's surviving. Oh, shit," Elliot said, dropping his pizza, "I have to go back to the station for a bit. Do you, uh, wanna come?"

Olivia tilted her head and asked, "What kind of dumbass question is that?"

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know, Liv, you're still in your pajamas! I didn't think you'd want…"

"I'm coming with you," she interrupted. "I actually have a few things I'd like to ask Munch's partner," she said. Saying his name would piss her off.

"Get in line, babe," Elliot said, getting up and grabbing his jacket. He grabbed Olivia's, too, and held it open for her.

Olivia raised an eyebrow, watching him help her put on her coat. She slipped into her sneakers and they headed out, taking the six block walk to the precinct. Along the way, Olivia prepared Elliot for the stories he would be hearing, the complaining Munch and Fin would probably do, and she warned him about the condition her desk and locker were in. "They're both empty," she said. "All my stuff is in cardboard boxes on a shelf by the lockers. If you didn't come back…"

"You were gonna quit?" Elliot asked, shocked, as he threw his cigarette to the floor and pulled open the doors to the One-Six.

Olivia nodded as they walked toward the elevator. "I did quit," she said. "Twice. But when I got to the doors, this voice inside my head said, 'Don't do it, Olivia. What if he comes back tomorrow?"

They walked into the elevator and Elliot sighed, shaking his head. "Smart voice," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's coming back," he said, smiling.

"What is?" Olivia asked, furrowing her brow.

Elliot leaned in closer to her. "The light in your eyes," he whispered, moving closer.

Olivia held her breath. He was gonna kiss her again, but the doors slid open and he backed away quickly. She smiled at him, a tiny one, and walked out of the lift. Then she saw _him_, and it was like someone flipped a switch. She bolted before Elliot could stop her. "You asshole," she spat, running toward him.

Fin didn't have time to duck, or move, and as Olivia's fist collided with his face, he backed into the wall. "Woah, shit, Baby-Girl!" he yelped, shaking the pain away.

"Don't you 'Baby-Girl' me, Fin," she yelled. "You knew! You fucking knew!" She raised her fist to punch him again, but Elliot got to her. He was holding her back, though her muscular body was even proving too much for him to keep under control.

"Liv, stop struggling, I'm not letting you go," Elliot told her. Then he whispered, "Baby, stop."

Olivia stopped moving, her heart cracking at the fact that Elliot just called her' baby', but she remained firm, glaring and yelling at Fin. "All you had to tell me was that he was okay! I didn't need details, Fin, just to know that he wasn't dead!"

Elliot peered over Olivia's shoulder, then, and added, "And what the was all of that, 'Yeah, bro, Baby-Girl's doin' just fine' shit, huh? She was killing herself you fucking…"

"Stabler!" Cragen yelled coming into the hall. "Benson! What is the problem? He's not home for a day and already I've got someone in the hallway bleeding?"

"I didn't hit him. Liv did," Elliot said, his arms still wrapped around her. He waited a moment, then moved quickly, letting her go.

"What?" Cragen asked, stunned. "Benson, why the hell did you do that?"

"Ask Fin," Olivia spat, still staring harshly at him. "Cap, Fin knew where Elliot was, that he was aliave and okay, and he neglected to…"

"Woah, hold on," Cragen said, turning to Fin. "I told you to tell her!"

Fin opened his mouth to say something but Elliot butted in, "Did you tell him to tell me about Liv? Because he didn't do that either!"

"No," Cragen said. "We all knew you'd come home if you knew, and you needed to stay. We couldn't jeopardize the case, so that was kept from you for a reason, Elliot. However, I did tell him to tell Olivia you were okay. I thought…shit, I saw what was happening and I thought that her knowing didn't make a difference! Now I find out she was self-destructive because you didn't tell her!"

Fin straightened up and wiped the blood from his now-split lip. "I couldn't tell her!" he yelled. "I wasn't takin' orders from you on this, Cap, and I was told not to tell _any_one _any_thing. Not even her!"

"Fin," Olivia said, with tears in her eyes, "Do you have any idea…at all…of what you could have…what not knowing did to me?"

"Were you waiting for her to die?" Elliot asked, pissed off. "You wanted to see how far this would go?"

Fin glared at Elliot, as if saying he had some nerve coming back, blaming him for Olivia's condition. "No, man, I wanted her to grow up and get the hell over it," he spat, venomously. "You weren't here, so what? Life went on, the world didn't fuckin' stop turnin' because Elliot Stabler spent a year away from New York City, the sun came up and went back down. She needed to…"

"Not for me," Olivia said, softly, but desperately. "My life didn't go on, Fin," she said, a little louder. "My world ended when he didn't come back when he supposed to," she took a breath, a much needed breath, and then she was yelling, tears spilling over. "My sun didn't come back up, it fucking burnt out! I've been waking up every day, that's if I've even gone to sleep, pretending to live, when really I felt like I was sleepwalking, stuck in a nightmare."

"Olivia," Fin said, helplessly. "I didn't mean…"

"Ya know what really sucks, though, Fin?" she asked, interrupting, bitter and harsh. "I still feel like that! He's back! He's standing right there! He's living and breathing and I shouldn't feel dead inside anymore, but I do!"

Fin's eyes were welling up as he watched Olivia, his little sister, his "Baby-Girl," break down. He spoke gently, "Olivia, calm…"

"Do you know why?" Olivia yelled, more angry now. "Do you know why I still feel like I can't breathe? Why I still have no appetite, why it hurts to look at him? Huh? Do you have any idea?"

Fin shook his head, noticing that the entire unit was now watching this. "No," he said.

Olivia swallowed. "Damn, I was hoping you could give me a fucking reason," she quipped sarcastically. "I did a lot of thinking, and feeling, and when the feeling was gone, there was just the thoughts. And when you're all alone, with your thoughts, you realize things, Fin. Things you were terrified of, and things that you knew you shouldn't be realizing. Shouldn't be...feeling."

Cragen gasped softly, his eyes closing. He knew what she meant.

Olivia blew past Fin, into the squadroom. They heard a locker slam shut, they heard drawers open and slam closed, and they saw her emerging from the bullpen three minutes later with two stacked cardboard boxes in her hands. She leaned over and looked Fin in the eyes. "I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't think straight," she seethed through gritted teeth, whispering harshly into his ear, "Because I'm in love with him, you asshole." She shook her head at him, then turned, heading back toward the elevator.

Cragen saw her, saw what she had in her hands and he stopped her. "Olivia!" he yelled. "Please, stop! You can't throw your career away because of this! Don't quit over this!"

Olivia turned around, turned over the top box, showing him it was empty, and said, "I'm not. I just dumped all my shit back into my desk. I need the boxes."

Cragen smirked, elbowed Elliot, and said, "I think she's back."

Elliot shook his head. "Not yet," he said. "But soon." He pointed to Fin and said, "Deal with him, I'm gonna go with Liv." He ran after her, stepping into the elevator just as the doors were closing. He looked at her, raised an eyebrow and said, "You told him? You told him before you told me?"

Olivia's eyes widened. "You heard me?" she asked.

"Yeah," Elliot said, nodding.

Olivia smirked. She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes and said, with a bit of an attitude, "We're even."

"Liv," Elliot said, the tone in his voice making her look at him, "Everything you said to him, was that…"

"Yeah," Olivia said, nodding. "It was."

Elliot said nothing, but pulled her into his arms, not really caring when she dropped the two empty boxes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm gonna make it up to you. I promise."

Olivia nodded as she was pressed to his chest. "You never did what you came here to do, did you?" she asked, looking up at him inquisitively.

"Actually, yeah," Elliot said. "I came to yell at Fin and then I was gonna put your shit back in your desk. You did both, so we're good." He smiled at her, noting the fire in her eyes that he loved so much was flickering slightly. She was coming back, slowly but surely. He wanted her back faster, though.

As the doors to elevator opened, Elliot reached into his pocket and pulled out the pack of cigarettes. He looked at it for a moment, then tossed it into the trash can as they stepped off the lift. He noticed the look Olivia was giving him and he winked at her.

Olivia smirked at him, knowing that he was trying, just like she was, to get back to where they belonged.

**A/N: Small steps are being taken, but how will they handle a night in the same bed? How will quitting smoking affect Elliot? Will Olivia be able to face Fin and Cragen now? And will Elliot and Olivia **_**get back**_** into the swing of things at work? Review and I'll tell you!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: They have a lot of work to do. Don't they?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and Characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story, and all of its parts, belongs to TStabler©**

One in the morning. Olivia was no closer to sleep than she had been when she crawled into the bed at midnight. She heard Elliot breathing next to her. She felt the dip in his side of the bed, and she glanced over. He was there. Really there. It was keeping her awake. He'd heard her admit something out loud that she only admitted to herself ten months ago. She said it to make Fin feel like shit, to make him realize that she really would have died, really died, if he never came home. Now, she had to live with the fact that Elliot knew, too, and he felt the same way. She blinked away the tear threatening to drop from her right eye. She felt badly for him. How can you love half a person, she thought.

"By making them whole again," Elliot mumbled, rolling over.

"I said that out loud?" Olivia asked, sniffling.

Elliot nodded, looking at her now. "Yeah, you did," he whispered to her, reaching a hand up to brush her hair back. She flinched, and he narrowed his eyes. "It's just me, Liv," he whispered, sounding hurt.

"I know," Olivia whispered back. "But you've been gone for so…so long, and I can't…I don't know how to do this, El."

"Do what, Liv?" Elliot asked, propping up on his elbows slightly to look down at her.

Olivia blinked. "Be with you," she whispered. "I don't know how to be myself around you anymore, because I don't think I know who I am. Or who you are."

"Same people we were before," Elliot said. "We just went through something pretty traumatic and it'll take a little time to get back to normal, but we have to help each other get there. Like you always tell the vics, Liv, you gotta open up."

Olivia nodded and sighed. "Yeah," she said. "I just don't wanna jump into..."

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Liv," Elliot interrupted. "I'm not even asking you to consider us a couple, all I wanted to do was reassure you that those are not misplaced feelings. And you needed to know how I felt. Where I stand. I know you need time, we both do. We have to get back into the swing of being Benson and Stabler, Liv and El, Olivia and Elliot. Then we can work on being more than that."

"You don't get it," Olivia said, shaking her head. "I don't want to wait, El. I've thought about this. Dreamed about this. And here you are, in my bed, telling me you love me and I'm feeling guilty that I'm not the same girl you fell in love with. What if you wake up in the morning and you realize that you only loved me when I wasn't around?"

Elliot shook his head and brushed her hair back. "That's not gonna happen. All I wanted to do, when I was out there, was get it done so I could come back to you. You're always gonna be the girl I fell in love with, Liv. Always. I'm not gonna change my mind. Are you?"

"No," Olivia said, smiling at him softly. "I'm not."

"Then we don't have a problem, baby," Elliot said. He leaned back, resting his head on half of her pillow. He pulled her close and wrapped her in his arms and whispered, "By the way, I'm gonna hold you just like this, every night, from now on, if you don't mind."

Olivia tensed at first, then relaxed into his hold, finally settling into his arms, her forehead resting against his. She whispered, softly, "I don't mind at all."

Four-forty-eight, Olivia's phone starting ringing. Seconds later, Elliot's joined it. As was her habit, her hand sprawled out over the pillow next to her. Her eyes popped open and she gasped. He was there this time. Really there. her fingers were up his nose and in his eyes and her palm was covering his lips.

"Liv," Elliot said, his voice muffled by her hand. "Do you mind?"

Olivia chuckled. "Sorry," she said, removing her hand from his face and reaching for her phone. "Benson," she said, hearing Elliot bark his own last name into his own phone.

They looked at each other. Nodded, then both said, "We're on it," and hung up.

"Hey," Elliot said, "You said 'we,' didn't you?"

Olivia nodded. "I got my partner back, didn't I? You don't need to think I'm working cases solo now that your ass is back in the saddle."

Elliot laughed. "No, I just didn't think you'd get used to it so quickly."

"I did," Olivia said, narrowing her eyes and smirking. "Get up, get dressed, we have a…"

"She's dead," Elliot interjected. "She's not going anywhere," he told her. He winked at her, then got out of the bed, dressed, and walked toward Olivia, who was slipping into her heeled boots. He wrapped his arms around her from behind her, inhaled deeply, and kissed the back of her head. "I love you," he whispered.

Olivia turned and raised an eyebrow, giving him a half-smile.

"I won't be able to tell you that for a few hours," Elliot said, shrugging. "I don't want you to forget."

"I'm not gonna forget," Olivia said, something like new life flashing briefly in her eyes. "I've waited too long to hear it."

"I've waited too long to say it," Elliot retorted. Then he cleared his throat, raised an eyebrow, and gave her a smug grin. "Something you wanna say to me?"

Olivia rolled her eyes as she clipped her badge to her hip. "Arrogant bastard," she muttered. "Some things never change," she said with a sigh.

"I'm waiting," Elliot said, smirking.

Olivia chuckled, resting her hand on his cheek. "I love you, too," she said, turning with her hand on her doorknob. She took a deep breath and forced the words out. "More than you will ever know."

They drove to the scene, in silence. It was awkward, as if they were running unarmed into battle, or going swimming right after eating. It might hurt, and could only end in disaster. They got out of the car, and as soon as she saw who was there, Olivia groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Detective Benson," the woman who approached her greeted, "I assumed you'd be coming alone."

Olivia pressed her lips together. "Sonya Paxton this is my partner, Detective Elliot Stabler. El, this is your new A.D.A."

"Mine?" Elliot scoffed.

"Yeah," Olivia said, sounding tired and bitter. "She's new to you. I've been working with her for six months. Six long, torturous months."

Elliot held out his hand, which Sonya refused to take. Elliot gave Olivia a raised eye and dropped his hand. Olivia gave him a look, as if she was saying, "That's her. Get used to it."

"You're Stabler?" Sonya asked. "You're the reason Benson's been checking all my dead bodies for blue eyes? You're the reason every time it was a man with dark hair she flipped shit on everyone? You're the reason she made phone calls to some woman named Kathy and talked to chattering kids on my time?"

Elliot looked at Olivia, who just shook her head and looked away, scoffing with a disbelieving smirk on her face. Of course Paxton would do this to her. She was just like her mother. "Um, I guess I am," Elliot said, making a mental note to ask Olivia what the hell this woman was talking about.

"Good," Sonya said. "Maybe now she'll get her head out of her ass, stop being an ice-queen, and smile once in a while."

"I'm sorry," Elliot said, mildly pissed off, "What are you doing here?"

Olivia chuckled. "Oh, right, you weren't here when she blew into the squadroom and told me she'd be involved in the investigation from beginning to end. She doesn't trust me. Us."

"I don't trust cops, period," Sonya said, turning on her heels and heading toward the body.

"You called my kids? How often did you call my kids?" Elliot asked, raising an eyebrow at Olivia. "Checking the vic's eyes?"

"Don't go there," Olivia said, closing her own brown orbs. "Please. Don't."

Elliot sighed, clearing his throat as he exhaled. "Okay," he said. "I won't. Not until later." He and Olivia walked, in sync, toward the body, snapping on latex gloves. "I used to hate finding the little girls with brown eyes. The way they looked, so broken. They reminded me of…well, what you might have looked like after a night with your mother." He glanced over at Olivia. "Don't look so surprised, Liv. Why do you think I started smoking? My goddamned nerves were shot."

"Are you two done comparing war stories," Sonya asked, folding her arms.

"What are you getting your panties knotted for?" Olivia asked, she looked at Elliot and shrugged. "She's dead," she said. "She's not going anywhere."

Elliot chuckled as his words were repeated verbatim. Shaking his head and smiling at her, he knelt down. "Okay, so," he began, looking down at the body, but he stopped, noticing his hand was shaking. "Damn," he spat, shaking it off.

"Nicotine withdrawal," Olivia whispered, bending down next to him. "Just close your eyes, remember to breathe, and try not be such a dick."

Elliot looked at her, offended. "What? When have I been a…"

"Trust me," Olivia whispered to him, "Five minutes with Paxton, you're gonna go all Hulk on her, and in your current state, that could get bloody."

"Detectives," Sonya barked, "Any day now would be great! I think I liked it better with Benson worked alone. She was a raging bitch, but at least she did her damn job."

"Lady, you are getting on my last nerve," Elliot spat. He rose to his feet, yelling now. "Why don't you go find a dark corner to perch in, you old crow, and let the actual detectives do the work, huh?"

Olivia shook her head. She knew it. "Elliot," she barked. "Dick," she said, narrowing her eyes.

"She deserves it, Liv!" Elliot barked. he caught himself yelling at Olivia and sighed. "But you don't," he said shaking his head. "Shit."

Paxton scoffed. "When was the last time either of you got laid?" she asked, rolling her eyes and walking away.

* * *

Elliot and Olivia stormed into the bullpen an hour later, both throwing their jackets down and heading for the coffee pot.

"Great," Munch said. "Now there's two of them."

"Shut up," Olivia said, growling. "I'm fine. We're fine. We just had a shitty morning."

Elliot shook his head, fixing Olivia's coffee for her. "That Paxton woman is obnoxious," he said, sipping his own cup as he handed Olivia hers.

"You've met her, then," Munch said, nodding in understanding. "Other than that, how did your first time out together in a year go?"

"Peachy," Olivia said. "Elliot almost punched Paxton, I almost punched Paxton, Paxton almost punched Elliot, Melinda almost punched the both of us, but almost doesn't count, does it?"

"What did she do?" Munch asked, chuckling.

Elliot growled as he moved passed Munch. "She tried to tell us how to do our jobs, got on our backs for talking while investigating, called Liv a bunch of names, told us we needed to get laid, then right before we left, she called me Detective Hot-Head."

Olivia shook her head. "You are a hot-head, El," she said, suppressing the urge to smile and wink at him. She settled for a subtle look, saying everything she needed to with her eyes, dreary though they were.

Fin chuckled. "Guess life's not as good as you thought it would be, having him back, huh, Baby-Girl?"

Olivia glared at Fin, hard, as if he were one of the scumbags they interrogated. "No," she said, snarling. "It's better. So much better. I can fucking breathe now."

"That makes two of us," Elliot said, clearing his throat again, another unfortunate side-effect of not smoking.

"Well, you certainly aren't acting better, Baby-Girl," Fin said, raising an eyebrow. "Still got that chip on your shoulder."

"Are you kidding?" Munch asked, shocked. "She's acting better, Fin, she just had to deal with Paxton who you and I both know is just like her…" he paused, not wanting to push Olivia. Not yet. "And she's not gonna be nice to you. Not after what you did. She's better, she sounds better, she's not grumbling, she actually looks alive."

Olivia chugged her coffee and threw away the cup. "Thanks, Munch," she said, shaking her head with a light chuckle. "Keep telling me and I'll start to believe you."

"I'm sorry, Olivia," Fin sighed. "I thought you were stronger than that, Baby-Girl," he said, shaking his head. "I didn't think his leaving would…"

"Shut up," Elliot said, parroting Olivia's tone from before. "We're both still pissed off at you. It's not just her."

Fin turned and glared at Elliot. "Hey, man, I was following a federal order! I couldn't…"

"Oh, my God," Olivia interrupted, softly, running a hand down her face. "That asshole."

Fin's eyes dropped. "Yeah," he said. "He was kind of an asshole. If I coulda told you, I would have. You have to know that. It hurt to look at ya, and it hurt to hear the things you were sayin', that's if you were even speakin,' but my hands were tied."

"Whatever," Olivia spat. "You know damn well if you would have told me not to tell anyone…if you would have just said something. God, Fin, if Elliot didn't come home that night…" she stopped, shaking her head. She wasn't ready to admit what she'd wanted to do, not out loud, in front of a squadroom full of people.

Cragen, standing in his doorway, finally stepped forward. "Stabler and Benson," he said, smirking, "It feels really good to say that, ya know?"

"Yeah, Cap," Elliot said, smiling at Olivia. "We know. Believe me."

"You two have to go down to Warner," Cragen said, nodding. "She's got something for you. And stop by the lab. O'Halloran has information for you. Then you can go get us all coffee that won't dissolve our intestines." He watched the two detectives chuckle and walk out of the door. Then he stopped them. "Oh, Elliot?"

Elliot turned, Olivia stopped right beside him. "Yeah?" he asked.

Cragen smirked. "I probably would have punched Paxton. I admire your self control."

"It wasn't me, Cap," Elliot admitted. "Liv stopped me. Kept me in line. Like she always did. Does." His hand, as the words left his mouth, shot to her lower back. It wasn't a conscious move, it wasn't a made decision. It was an impulse, a reflex, an instinct. He didn't notice he had turned them both around and left, still holding onto her. He did, however, make the decision, with every cell in his brain, to pull her toward him and whisper a sweet, "I love you."

Olivia, still flinching at the words she wasn't used to hearing, turned to him as they neared the elevator. She wrapped her arms around herself, both out of fear and embarrassment, and asked, "No matter what?"

"Nothing you could do will ever change that," Elliot whispered. "Ever, baby."

Olivia looked at the metal doors, sliding closed. She felt her bottom lip trembling, she felt her nose burning, she felt her chest tightening. She shot out a hand and punched the emergency stop button, cutting out the light and the camera as the lift gave a jerk and halted. She felt the first of her tears fall as she dropped her head to Elliot's chest and wrapped her arms around him.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked her, one arm wrapped possessively around her and the other brushing her hair back over and over again. "Liv? Baby? Talk to me."

Olivia, now sobbing uncontrollably in his arms, only squeezed him tighter. "I didn't really wanna die, I just didn't wanna live without you anymore," she cried.

"I know, baby, I know," Elliot soothed, holding her tightly as they slid down to the elevator floor. "You don't have to, you'll never have to."

Olivia tried to get closer, wrapping herself around him, curling into his lap. "El, I was so scared! So lost! So tired of feeling…I just wanted it to stop."

Elliot pushed her back from him, wide-eyed, and looked into her pools of dark chocolate. "You're not telling me what I think you're telling me," he said, demanding, praying she wasn't.

Olivia pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes shut, nodding. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, dropping her head back to his chest. "I'm so sorry. Fin was right. I should have been stronger, but El, you're the one who gives me strength, and without you…I'm so sorry."

"Baby," Elliot cooed, pushing her up off of him again, his own eyes leaking salty tears now, "You didn't do it. You didn't! You're here, and I'm here, and we're together. That's all that matters. That's all that will ever matter."

Olivia took a deep breath, sniffled, and nodded. She gazed into his blue eyes, his amazing blue eyes.

Elliot stared back, hoping that her old, bright eyes would be shining back at him, but he only saw the new dimly-lit ones. They were, at least, making progress. He gazed into them, his heart pounding.

It wasn't sure who moved first, but suddenly lips were on lips, hands were on faces, bodies were pressing together trying to burst through the fabric of their clothes. Desperation and relief, pain and comfort, hatred and love, the formers fading while the latters took over, all expressed in possibly the deepest, most real kiss of their entire lives. It's what they'd both wanted to do when they first laid eyes on each other at that crime scene when Elliot came home, but there were too many people. It was far too risky. But here, in the cold darkness of the manually broken-down elevator, they were free. Finally free to let go. Let it all go so they could get it all back.

**A/N: What asshole gave Fin those orders? Will Elliot finally give Fin a piece of his mind? And a glimpse of the old Olivia, coming up, if you want it! Click that button and tell me you do! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: What asshole gave Fin those orders? Will Elliot finally give Fin a piece of his mind? And a glimpse or two of the old Olivia. **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and Characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story, and all of its parts, belongs to TStabler©**

Half past midnight, Olivia and Elliot were still at their desks. Dinner, ordered from a deli, had been inhaled by Elliot while Olivia's sandwich sat on her desk with little more than one bite taken from it. Elliot watched intently as Olivia dutifully typed her report, either ignoring the food or having completely forgotten it was there.

"Liv," Elliot called, tentatively, "You gonna eat?"

Olivia gave him a noncommittal hum in response. After her mini-breakdown, and subsequent passionate kiss-slash-assault on him, in the elevator, she'd been acting odd. Distant. More so than she had been, and it scared him.

Elliot was just starting to get her back, and now she was pulling away from him again. "Liv," he prodded again. "Please?"

Not taking her eyes off of the computer screen, she reached out and grabbed the sandwich, took a small bite, then dropped it back onto its foil. She nodded absently at him as she chewed and swallowed, as if she had just done him a huge favor.

"You almost done?" Elliot asked, leaning back in his chair. He was anxious to get her home. Get her talking.

Again, she simply made a noise as she hit the print key. She dropped her head into her hands, rubbing her face, and sighed.

"Are you okay," Elliot asked, furrowing his brow. "Did I do something…"

"We did," Olivia said, finally, biting her lip. "I shouldn't have kissed you," she whispered. "You...you shouldn't have kissed me back. you should have stopped me. We should have stopped."

Elliot raised an eyebrow, looked around, and leaned forward. "Are you kidding me, right now?"

"El, we should not have…I was emotional, unstable, it wasn't the right time for…God, I fucked up," Olivia whispered to him, trying to make sense of the confusion floating in her head. "That's not how it should have happened, not that it should have happened at all."

Elliot glared at her. "I thought it was pretty fucking amazing, Olivia. I don't regret. Not for a single second."

Olivia glanced up at him, then rose from her chair to get her report from the printer. She walked back to her desk, stapled the packet, signed the last page on the line, and threw her pen down. She ran a hand through her hair and that's when Elliot saw what she had truly become. A wrecking ball, aimed at itself, ready for demolition.

"Liv," he said her name again, hoping she would remember who she was, snap out of whatever trance she'd been in, "I already told you, I came back for you. You. This…" he paused, gesturing up and down her body, "Is not you."

Olivia looked at him, a hard look. "Really? Gee, El, I didn't know that," she spat, venomously. "Can we just get out of here, please?" she asked, walking away from him.

Elliot grabbed her arm and she turned, being pulled into his grasp and not fighting him. he looked at her quizzically. "A year ago, you would have had me on the ground without a second thought the second I grabbed you, Liv."

"I'm…what? I would never…Elliot, what do you want me to say?" Olivia asked, stunned. "You're not the goddamned Wizard of Oz! You can't just come back, tell me to click my heels and clap and think happy fucking thoughts and expect everything to be fucking lollipops and rainbows!" she yelled.

"I know that! I'm not asking you to spntaneously combust into a ray of fucking sunshine! Just tell me what your problem is," Elliot pleaded. "I thought we were doing pretty good until…"

"Jesus," Olivia hissed, ripping her arm away from and backing up. "I spent the last two days trying to deal with you being here. Trying to deal with you being back in that desk, beside me at work, and now I'm trying to deal with the fact that just when I got you back, I might lose you again because I couldn't control myself and almost jumped you in the fucking elevator!"

"Is that what you think…that's what's got you so upset? That's not gonna happen," Elliot assured her, giving her just as hard a glare as she was giving him. "It's just not, okay?"

"How can you be so sure?" Olivia asked, her voice and eyes sad, tired, worried.

Elliot smiled softly at her. How much he loved her was evident in his eyes, and she saw it. He knew she saw it. "Because Cragen's not gonna find out," he said. "Not for a very long time. Although, I could probably throw you up against the wall and fuck you senseless right in front of Ed Tucker, and Cragen still wouldn't split us up. I think the man has seen what being apart does to us. Well, what it does to you since he didn't really see me, he just knows I came back a complete dick with a few new bad habits."

Olivia chuckled lightly and looked away, rolling her eyes. "You're right," she mumbled, having a hard time admitting it.

"Wait, what was that?" Elliot asked, smirking, leaning closer to her.

"I said, you are right," Olivia said, looking at him, deliberating pronouncing each word.

Elliot feigned shock and grabbed his heart. "I'm having a heart-attack, Olivia Benson just told me, Elliot Stabler, that I was right, and that she was wrong!"

"Don't get used to it, Stabler," Olivia said with a smirk, turning on her heels and heading toward the bullpen door.

Elliot gasped and smiled. "There she is," he said to himself. "That's my Liv."

* * *

The obnoxious ring of their cell phones, going off simultaneously, interrupted the first completely peaceful sleep either of them had in a whole year. Elliot was, once again, smacked in the face, as Olivia was roused from her slumber and did her manual check to see if he was still there. "Sorry," she mumbled. "Habit."

"I quit smoking," Elliot grumbled, reaching for his phone. "The least you could do is quit whacking me in the face when you wake up."

Olivia rolled her eyes and yawned, "Bite me, Stabler." She shook her head as she reached for her own phone.

"Benson." "Stabler." They shouted into the speakers together, in unison, and both sighed at the voices on the other end. They listened, and said their goodbyes, then turned to face each other. "Cragen," Elliot spat, holding up the phone.

"Paxton," Olivia said, holding up hers. "Federal Agent raped and killed outside of One-P-P."

"Yep," Elliot said, leaning over to kiss her forehead, noting that she didn't flinch that time. "Let's get to work."

They dressed in silence, exchanging curious glances at each other, gauging reactions. They'd never been modest in front of each other before, but Olivia was nervous as she changed, hiding in a corner, hoping he couldn't see her. Elliot could, though, and he let his eyes linger on Olivia's hardened body. Olivia caught him looking and said, "What, El?" as she tugged her V-neck over her head.

"When we close this case, I'm taking you to Rudy's," Elliot told her. He smirked at her, remembering that she used to eat a whole basket of ribs and fries by herself. God, she needed to eat.

"Is that really a good idea?" Olivia asked, clipping her badge to her hip.

"We used to go all the time, Liv!" Elliot chided. "No one thought it was a date then, so why would they now?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow as she holstered her gun.

Elliot knew what she was thinking. "Okay, so I was married, you were with Porter…"

"Don't say his name in front of me, El," Olivia spat suddenly, grabbing her leather jacket.

Elliot narrowed his eyes, then widened them in realization. "He was the one who gave Fin the non-disclosure…"

"Yeah," Olivia said, nodding. "He did."

"Son of a bitch," Elliot hissed, following Olivia out of the bedroom. "I should have fucking known. If I ever see him again, he's dead."

"Fin still should have told me," Olivia said, stating the obvious. "No one has ever listened to Porter. Ever."

Elliot nodded, biting his bottom lip. "I'm gonna find out why," he said. "How could he just watch you…I trusted him to look out for you. I warned him, and he promised me…"

Olivia turned in the hallway, stopping and looking into Elliot's eyes. "Warned him? What are you talking about?"

Elliot sighed. "Promise not to hit me," he demanded.

"No," Olivia said, folding her arms.

"I'm not telling you until you promise not to hit me," Elliot said, folding his own arms. Two could play this game, and they were both good at it. Since they were both stubborn, and ballsy enough, they at each other until sunrise.

"Fine. I won't hit you," Olivia said, nodding.

"I told Fin that if he let anything, and I meant anything, happen to you while I was gone, I'd kill him," Elliot said. "I made him watch you. I even told him he had to follow you home, so nothing would…ow! Dammit, baby! You told me you wouldn't hit me."

"I didn't hit you," Olivia said, smirking. "I kicked you. You know how much I hate it when you…"

Elliot stopped her. "Don't you get it? I wasn't there. I needed to be there and I wasn't. I wasn't just gonna leave you unprotected, and I trusted Fin to do the protecting."

"Mistake," Olivia said, heading back down the hall.

"Apparently," Elliot said, rubbing his shin where Olivia kicked him. "Next time you go all Karate Kid on me, could you not wear those boots when you do it?"

Stepping into the elevator, Olivia said, "I thought you thought these boots were hot."

"I do," Elliot said, giving an approving glance to her legs. "Just not when they're puncturing my shins!"

Olivia laughed, causing Elliot to laugh. He sighed and pulled her closer to him and she rested her head on his shoulder, enjoying the peaceful silence and the small, friendly, comforting hug on the way down.

* * *

"Who is it?" Olivia asked, climbing out of the car when they reached the scene.

Paxton met them, giving them her usual disapproving look. "Agent Stevens," she said. "Holly Stevens. Either of you know her?"

Olivia nodded. "She's Dean's partner," she said, looking at Elliot with a gleam in her eyes.

"Who the hell is Dean?" Paxton asked harshly.

Elliot looked at her, spat the piece of Nicorette gum out of his mouth, and said, "You really are a nosy bitch."

"You really are an arrogant bastard," Paxton spat back. "Now who the fuck is Dean?"

Olivia stepped in front of Elliot, who looked quite Hulky, and said, "Agent Dean Porter. A, uh, colleague."

"Haul his ass in. He's a suspect," Paxton said, walking toward the body.

"What?" Elliot spat. "Lady, do you want a damn badge? You just sit back and watch us work, okay? Just fucking do your own job, which is prosecuting the scum that we bring in based on the evidence we collect! Don't tell us who to haul in, Paxton, with nothing to go on!"

Olivia looked at Elliot, flabbergasted. He'd never yelled at anyone like this. She wasn't sure if this was part of his new personality or a side-effect from quitting smoking. Either way, she liked it. "El, let it go," she said, her voice alone calming him down as she tugged him toward Melinda and the body.

Elliot growled, like a rabid dog, and allowed Olivia to lead him away. He crouched next to Melinda, took a deep breath, and asked, "What's the COD, so far?"

Melinda pointed to the vic's throat and said, "Asphyxiation. She was choked. Probably hands. There's a smooth grain imprinted along her neck and jaw lines, looks like it could be wool, or leather. I'll know more when I…"

"Get her on your table, right," Elliot finished, nodding.

"For what it's worth, Elliot, I'm glad you're back. You're a damn good cop and we miss you around here," Melinda said with a nod.

Elliot smiled at her. "Thanks, Melinda," he said, clearing his throat.

"Another reason I'm really glad you're back," Melinda said, jutting her chin toward Olivia, "Is her. She needs you," she said, tilting her head. "More than she should."

Elliot smiled again, this time looking at Olivia, who was studying the body with great concentration. "She needs me as much as I need her," he said.

Olivia looked at the torn pants of the agent in front of her, then noticed something between her legs. She picked it up, looked at Melinda and said, "You didn't find any fluids. At least, nothing useful. All the fibers were nondescript, matching her outfit exactly. No defensive wounds anywhere on her, at all. Am I right?"

"Yeah," Melinda said, glancing at Elliot, then at Paxton. They were both staring flummoxed at Olivia.

"How did you know all of that?" Elliot asked. "You think you've seen this guy's handy-work before?"

Olivia shook her head. "I would never have to fight you off, El," she said. "See, I trust you, with my life. I know you'd never attack me."

"Damn right I wouldn't," Elliot said. "I would kill any man who even thought about hurting you, Liv, why would I become one of them?"

"Right, you'd never come after me," Olivia said. "Partners protect each other, no matter what, don't they?"

Elliot smirked. "You know it," he said, nodding.

Olivia said, "I do know it," holding up the badge she'd found between the girl's legs. "So either Dean was trying to protect his partner, or we need to find the reason he attacked her. This is his badge."

"Told you he was a suspect," Paxton said, folding her arms and huffing arrogantly.

Fin walked up behind her and said, "He's not. At least, not anymore."

"What?" Elliot asked, now confused.

"He's our second victim," Fin said, pointing to the alley across the street. They saw two EMT's lifting a beaten, but living, Dean Porter onto an ambulance.

"Shit," Olivia hissed. She shook her head and sighed. "Great. Federal case, two vics, no suspects. We're gonna be up for a week at least. Welcome back, Elliot," she said, turning around and giving her partner a strong look, one that he was sure no one had seen in a year.

"I could say the same thing to you," Elliot said, rising to his feet, holding her gaze.

Olivia smirked at him, knowing what he meant, and said, "Maybe. We'll find out when we close this case and you take me to Rudy's. I'm gonna ride with Porter, see what he can tell me." Her eyes twinkled a bit brighter as she turned away from Elliot and walked over to the medical truck.

Elliot shook his head with a knowing smile, watching her go, and then turned to Fin. "Hey," he called. "We need to talk." He shoved Fin toward the sedan and said, "Get in the car."

Fin looked at Elliot, confused, but opened the door and got in. He sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to like anything he was about to hear, and praying Elliot hadn't figured out the truth.

**A/N: What truth? What's Fin hiding? What happened to Porter? How much closer are Olivia and Elliot to getting back where they belong? Clicky clik! Review and I'll post more!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: What does Elliot say to Fin? What Truth? Who attacked Dean? How close is Olivia to being herself again? Here ya go!**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU belongs to Dick Wolf. This story and it's properties belong to TStabler©**

Elliot got into the car and waited for Fin to get in, and the look on his face was murderous.

"Look, man," Fin began, "Whatever you're gonna say..."

"She tried to kill herself," Elliot said bluntly. "Did you know that?" The fury and hurt in his eyes as he glared at Fin were evident.

"What?" Fin asked, suddenly scared and very pale.

ELliot nodded choking back his own tears. "She had the bottle of pills in her hand, and she tried but she couldn't take them. She flushed them down the toilet. But do you realkize why she did it? You could have prevented her from even thinking about it!"

Fin was shocked into silence. His heart broke with Elliot's words.

"You promised me you wouldn't let anything happen to her! You swore you'd keep her safe!" Elliot yelled. "You fucking asshole, she wanted to die because you kept things from her. I told you things to tell her for me, and you didn't! She didn't know I loved her! I told you to fucking tell her that! Every fucking day!"

Fin dropped his head and shook it. "I couldn't," he said.

"Yes, you could have Fin!" Elliot yelled. "No one's ever listened to anything Porter said before! Why the fuck would you pick now, when it was killing her, to start?"

"He was gonna kill you, Elliot!" Fin yelled back. "Or her! Shit, man, I was protectin' both of you! Why do you think I shot him?"

"What?" Elliot gasped "You shot...fuck, Fin!"

"He didn't know you were back," Fin said. "His partner called us, told us what he was planning to do when you got back. She found files on his computer. When he found out, he attacked her, knowing you and Olivia would be called out here. It was a set up, that's why I took the call and got here before you did."

Elliot looked at Fin and his eyes went wide. "You know you have to tell..."

"I told you. You're gettin' the confession," Fin said. "Do whatever you gotta do, man." He leaned back in his seat and said, "Drive. Olivia needs you at the hospital, right?"

Elliot started the car, trying to process what this all meant. "I have to tell Cragen," he said as he pulled away.

Fin sighed, cleared his throat, and said, "I know you do."

* * *

"Anything else you wanna say to me?" Olivia asked, her arms folded.

"Yeah," Dean said, trying to move his left hand, but it was cuffed to the hospital bed. "You look like shit."

"Thanks to you," Olivia spat. "You told Fin to keep things from me, you made him sign a non-disclosure agreement. Who was I gonna tell, huh?"

Dean smirked. "You don't get it," he said. "I wasn't trying to hurt you. I just...I assumed you'd eventually get over it. I was expecting you to call me to ask about him."

Olivia shook her head. "I couldn't think that clearly," she said. "You knew what his leaving would do to me, and you wanted me to run to you for comfort? That it?"

Dean coughed. "Can we please just talk about the bastard who attacked me?" he asked.

"This is why he attacked you," Munch said, gesturing to Olivia. "You openly threatened two officers, endangered their lives, and then you set them up. You wanted to set up a crime scene, you were gonna rape Detective Benson and kill her partner. Your partner found out about your little plan and called us, did you know?"

Olivia scoffed. "Of course he did, Munch," she said. "That's why she had to go. She had to be his victim. Then when Elliot and I showed up and found him there, he was gonna make sure we couldn't say or do anything about it."

"Yeah, but Tutuola showed up, not you," Dean said, shaking his head. "He shot me, Olivia! Are you gonna do something about it?"

"After you tell me everything, Dean," Olivia spat. "Start to finish. Start talking."

Before Dean could speak, Elliot burst into the room and walked over to the man's bed. He pushed Olivia aside, grabbed Dean by the collar of the paper gown, and yanked. "You sorry motherfucker," he spat. "You have no idea what you did, do you? What you could have cost me? Us? You son of a bitch, I'm sorry Fin didn't kill you, asshole, but it just means I get to do it myself!"

"Elliot!" Olivia yelled. "Drop him!"

Elliot snapped his head back to Olivia and narrowed his eyes. He turned back, threw Dean down on the bed, and gritted his teeth. Shaking and red with anger, he said, "You are damn lucky she stopped me."

"Letting her call the shots, now?" Dean asked, rubbing his neck. "You've always been a pussy, Stabler."

Elliot turned and looked at Olivia again.

She raised an eyebrow and nodded.

Elliot smirked, turned back to Dean, and hit him, hard, in the jaw. "She doesn't call the shots, you bastard, we call 'em together. And the only pussy in this room is you," he spat harshly, then gave him another blow to the chin from the other direction. He turned to face Olivia and said, "Let Munch take his statement, Liv. We gotta go talk to Cragen."

"What?" Olivia almost yelled. "Why?"

Elliot sighed. "He just arrested Fin," he said. "_He_ needs statements from _us_."

"This day just keeps getting better," Olivia muttered, following Elliot out.

"You're a little better, though," Elliot said. "Aren't you?"

He was met with silence. Olivia's arms folded themselves across her chest and she bit her bottom lip. She couldn't look into his eyes. She couldn't answer him, because the truth was, she didn't know.

"Liv?" Elliot called, prodding an answer out of her.

"Let's just go, okay?" Olivia said, walking away from him.

Elliot caught up to her, grabbed her, and looked her in the eyes. "I'm not giving up on you, Liv. I'm not going away, and I'm not gonna let this go. Tell me what I have to do to help you!"

Olivia tugged her arm out of his grip, grabbed his hand, and looked at him. "Just be here," she whispered. "Just be with me, El, can you do that?"

Elliot sighed and softened his look. He gave her a small smile. "I'm here, Liv. Whatever you need, I'm here. I'm with you."

Olivia nodded once, then let his hand go, walking out of the hospital, afraid of what Fin had told Cragen, afraid of what she would have to tell him, and what he would tell her and Elliot in return.

As if reading her mind, Elliot leaned forward to her and said, "No one told him about us, baby. Fin didn't say anything, I sure as hell didn't. We're only going to talk to him about what I said to Fin, and what Porter said to him, and why it was all kept from you."

"What would you say to him?" Olivia asked, looking at Elliot as he started the car.

Elliot asked, "To who?"

Olivia looked at him and said, "Whom."

"Correcting my grammar, you're getting closer, babe," Elliot chuckled. "To whom, Professor Benson?"

"Cragen," Olivia said. "If we had to, what would you tell him."

Elliot sighed, a long, pensive, sigh. "I'd tell him the truth. That I love you, and I'm not sorry, and if he wants..."

"What would you tell him we are, though?" Olivia asked, biting the inside of her cheek. "I guess what I'm really asking...what do you think we are now, El? Does one kiss, one really amazing kiss, make this a relationship?"

"No," Elliot said. "But I think everything else does. The love, the worry, the hell we've been through for each other, the fact that you have to check to see if I'm still next to you in the morning, that all does. If you...if you want it to."

As they pulled into the numbered space reserved for Elliot at the precinct, Olivia said, very softly, "Okay."

"Okay," Elliot returned. "Liv?"

"Yeah?" Olivia breathed, turning to him.

Elliot looked up into her still-half-dull eyes, and said, "No matter what you hear Cragen or Fin say, you have to promise not to explode, okay?"

"What should I expect to hear in there, El?" Olivia asked, confused.

"A lot of things, Liv, that you were supposed to find out a long time ago," Elliot said. "A lot of things that I was supposed to tell you, but no one would let me, so I relayed them to Fin and he didn't…" he paused, shaking his head. "Just promise, no matter what happens, you won't get mad at me. I tried everything, Liv."

Olivia took a breath. "I know you did," she said. "Now."

"And I know," Elliot said, sending a small smile to her. "About you and the kids. I know what you did for them. I can't thank you enough for that, baby."

"You don't have to thank me," Olivia said, returning his smile.

Elliot leaned across the console and kissed her forehead. "You know I love you. I'd never let anyone hurt you, and I'm so..."

"You weren't here," Olivia said, shrugging a bit. "You didn't let this happen. You tried to keep me safe." She opened her door, finally getting out of the car.

Elliot shook his head. "I didn't do enough," he whispered. He got out of the car, slammed the door, and walked around to her. "I let you down, Liv. I should have just called you myself, talked to you, ya know? I should have…"

"Please," Olivia said, stopping him, "Don't do that. You sound like…"

"You," Elliot said with a laugh. "Yeah, I guess I spent so much time thinking about you, and missing you, that I sort of picked up a few of your bad habits."

Olivia smirked. "You, too, huh?" she asked with a chuckle. "I kinda had your temper while you were gone. It made me feel closer to you. I was actually written up in your absence."

"What?" Elliot asked, in shock. "For what?"

"I threw a perp into the wall," Olivia said, sounding proud. "You would have loved it."

Elliot gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and said, "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," Olivia said, smiling at him. Their eyes were locked on each other's, Elliot's hand shot up to caress her cheek. Her eyes flashed and Elliot smiled.

"Not just for turning into me," Elliot said. "For everything. So proud of you, Liv. You kept my kids sane, and safe, and happy, and I just wish you had done the same for…you have the most beautiful eyes. Have I told you that?"

"Not recently," Olivia said, her breath escaping her as her heart pounded. He was gonna kiss her again. She could feel it.

"They're shining, baby," Elliot told her. "I've missed that sparkle." He leaned in, closer to her, and barely brushed his lips across hers. "I've missed you, so much." He pressed his lips to hers as both sets of eyes closed. This action did, indeed, speak louder that any words they could have uttered. Olivia's hand reached for his, and she pulled it away from her face, holding it in her hands, linking their fingers as the kiss deepened. Whatever questions and answers were waiting for them inside could wait. What was important now, was this kiss, this moment, this brief encounter with the people they used to be, who they would be again, if they could only get back there.

**A/N: What does Fin have to say? What secrets has Fin been keeping? What did Olivia do for Elliot's kids? And will having their friend on trial finally bring Olivia and Elliot back? What does Sonya have to say about it? Click and review for more! Follow me on Teitter if you're not already: TMG212**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: What does Fin say? What does Elliot find that he wish he didn't? Will Sonya push them together or tear them apart?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story, every bit of it, belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia walked into her apartment, quiet. Her red, puffy eyes, dry with refusal to cry, were aching. She dropped a trail of clothing on her way to the bathroom, ignoring Elliot's calls and pleas to talk to him. She slammed the bathroom door shut in his face and dropped the last bit of clothing, her bra. She turned the water on, hot, very hot, and slid into the shower. That's when the tears fell, that's when she heard the Fin's voice saying the most painful phrases over and over in her mind.

_Elliot told me to tell her he was okay, that he was thinking about her._

_Elliot wanted me to thank her for getting Maureen into that private school, and for keeping the kids with her every weekend._

_Elliot wanted me to tell her how much he loved her, and when he got back he'd tell her himself._

_Elliot told me, two weeks before her came back, to tell Olivia that he didn't mind transferring for her, as long as they could be together, be happy. He just needed an answer. An answer he never got, because I never asked for him._

_Porter told me if I said anything, repeated anything Elliot had told me to Olivia, he would make sure Elliot never came back. At least not alive. Then he told me if I told Elliot anything about Olivia's, uh, condition, he'd find a way to hurt her, too. My hands were tied._

"Liv?" Elliot's voice broke her out of her thoughts. She realized that the water had been cascading down her back for a while, and the sting from the burn didn't even register. "Liv, honey?" Elliot asked again, concerned.

"I'm fine, baby," Olivia said with a sigh, trying to sound convincing. "I'll be out in a few minutes."

Elliot took a step forward. "Liv, if you need me to come in there..."

"No," Olivia protested sharply. "El, I'm fine, it's okay." She ran a hand through her hair and turned, feeling the hot water pouring over the front of her body. She waited until she heard the door click, telling her that he'd left, and then she fell back into the thoughts she'd been lost in before.

Elliot walked backward from the bathroom door, pain in his eyes. He sighed as he turned around, and he changed into his sweatpants, leaving his shirt off. He knew that Olivia loved feeling him close to her at night. He moved, thinking that he would get her nightclothes for her, to her dresser drawer. The one he knew her pajamas lived in. He reached inside and pulled out a comfortable looking pair of red and black flannel pants, and when he tossed them onto the bed, something rolled out of them. A book.

"What the hell?" he whispered to himself. He sat on the corner of the bed and opened it, unsure of what the tattered brown leather would contain. He thought, maybe, it was a bible. He thought, briefly, that Olivia had found her faith while missing him, but he was so dead wrong.

He gasped as he glanced at the tear stained, handwritten pages of the journal. His fingers traced the lines, scanned the words as he read the first page.

_Elliot,_

_God, what the fuck am I doing? I'm actually sitting in my bed, wearing your sweatshirt, writing a letter to you that I will never send, that you will never read, because I'm that desperate to talk to you. You've only been gone three days, Stabler, and you've driven me crazy. Well, they say that this is supposed to be therapeutic, ya know? If I write down exactly what I'm feeling. Well, I feel like an idiot, that's what I'm feeling. Maybe I'll take another stab at this tomorrow after I take Maureen shopping for her prom dress. It won't be too low cut, or have that high of a hem, I promise. She'll look beautiful. I only wish you cold be there to see her in it. Hurry home. _

_Goodnight, El. _

_Liv._

He chuckled as he flipped some pages, reading some of the funniest, heartfelt words he'd ever read. Then he paused, and his eyes landed on a word he didn't like. He didn't like it at all. He scanned the page and read the whole letter.

_Elliot,_

_My God, Elliot. Where the hell are you? You need to come home. It isn't working anymore, ya know? I can't breathe without you. I can't stand on my own two feet without feeling like I'm going to fall at any moment, and no one's there to catch me, because the only one who ever was is you. I quit today. Not just my job, El. Everything. I threw out all of the food in my fridge, I wasn't eating it, and it all went bad. I cancelled my cable. Nothing good was ever on, nothing. It all reminded me of you. God, how fucked up is that? An episode of Cops reminded me of you. That movie with the two idiots who go to White Castle? Reminded me of you! I had to make it stop. Cragen, of course, called me as soon as I got off the phone with the cable company. He told me he wasn't letting me quit. That he understood, and that he'd give me time, but he couldn't let me quit. He told me he understood, but I don't think he did, El. How could he understand what it feels like to want to die?_

_I miss you, Elliot. So much that I'm not even missing myself anymore. Just you._

_Liv. _

Elliot sniffled, unaware that he was crying. He read through a few more pages, loving most of the words she was writing, but then they got angry. He cringed as he found another letter that really grabbed his attention. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, preparing himself.

_You son of a bitch!_

_How could you do this to me? Huh? Wherever you are, Stabler, I hope you're fucking happy! You broke me! Fucking hell, Elliot, you know why? I love you! God, seeing it in writing, it makes it seem so final, so real. I was trying to avoid it, but I couldn't anymore. Not after today. I had to watch your kids, your kids whom I love more than I should, get on a plane with that woman who left you without a second thought! When I came home, God, Elliot, did you have any idea how much of a presence you were in this apartment? Every photograph, every article of clothing, everywhere I looked, there you were. Well not anymore pal! It's all gone! Gone! Just like you are! You were supposed to come home three months ago, Elliot. Why aren't you, I mean, do you even care? Do you have any idea what I'm going through? You have to! I know someone is telling you all about it, and you are probably having the time of your life laughing, feeling proud. You are such an arrogant bastard, Stabler, you're loving this. You love that it was you. The whole time, my life, my failed relationships, my reason for sticking around, dealing with your shit, for as long as I have, it's all been you. Not anymore. It can't be. _

_Fuck off, Elliot._

_Olivia._

Elliot swallowed hard, and wiped his eyes, deciding to turn to the last page. He let out a strangled sob as he read the last letter she'd written.

_Elliot._

_I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm not strong enough to do this anymore, El. I can't even wake up in the morning without you now. It takes everything I have to get out of bed. It takes so much strength, strength that I've run out of. I hope, wherever you are, you'll remember me like I was. Like I only was when I was with you. Strong. Vibrant. Olivia. This girl, the girl writing this letter, she's not me, El. She's not your partner. She's not your friend. She's not even human. She has to go away now. _

_The reason? I'm so tired, El. Tired of crying. Tired of being angry. I'm tired of not knowing where you are, if you're even alive. I'm tired, and I'm finally giving up and going to sleep. I hope you were right. Ya know, about God, and Heaven. I'll let you know, somehow. Do you think my mother is up there waiting for me, El? Do you think I'll finally get to meet your father? I know he's proud of who you've become. I know he is. Elliot, I'm sorry I will never have the courage to tell you this, but I do love you. Those last few letters may not have sounded like it, but I do. I'm in love with you, Elliot Stabler. _

_I love your cocky attitude, because face it, you have every right to think that highly of yourself. I love your ambition, how nothing is too far out of reach, and you have the balls to go for it, no matter whatthe consequences are. I could never be like that. I love your humor. The way a simple word, like 'coconut', can be made into something perverted or comical. I'm going to miss it all. _

_I already do miss it all, so much. But you know what I'm going to miss the most? What I've been missing for the last eleven months, three weeks, and two days? Your eyes. God, I used to see everything in your eyes. The whole world. Lightness, darkness, hope, anger, friendship, loyalty, trust, and if I looked hard enough, I saw love. I tried to convince myself, for so long, that I wasn't seeing it, but I was, El. Wasn't I? At least, that's the thought I'm going out with. I choose to die believing that you love me. Or at least, you love who I used to be._

_I looked for your eyes every day, you know. Every night. In every vic. In every perp. And the only time I can really see your eyes, El, are when mine are closed. So, here I go, to close them for good, so I'll never have to be without your eyes again. Please, forgive me, El. I love you. _

_Funny. It's not so hard to admit anymore. _

_Goodbye, my love. My life. My Elliot. _

_Liv. _

He dropped the book and looked up, rising off the bed to run into the bathroom, but she was out. Wrapped in a towel, biting her bottom lip, with her arms folded, she waited. "Liv?" Elliot breathed.

Olivia met his eyes, and she braced herself for what she knew was coming. Elliot ran into her with such force that they both flew into the wall and knocked the hanging picture, of them, down to the floor. This kiss was unlike any other. This kiss was a reassurance. A reassurance that they were both here, both alive, together. Olivia's hands wrapped around Elliot's neck, her left sliding up to tangle in his uncut, unkempt hair.

Elliot's arms were roaming over her body, over and even under the towel, feeling the blood rushing through her veins, feeling the pulse beating beneath her skin. "Baby," he whispered to her, "Oh, God, baby," he mumbled, still kissing her, his tears silently falling and landing on her skin. "Tell me," he demanded. "Tell me, Liv."

Olivia, taking a breath and holding him closer, knew exactly what he needed to hear. "I love you," she said. "I love you, Elliot. That's why I didn't..."

"I know," Elliot whispered. "I know, baby. Never again, Liv. Do you understand me? Never again!"

"El," Olivia said, pushing him back to look into his tear-filled eyes. "You're here, baby. I don't have a reason to feel like that anymore. That's what I was thinking about in the shower. How I have to let it all go, because you're really, really here."

Elliot smiled, a small smile, and he dropped his forehead to hers. "Thank God," he whispered. "I love you, Liv. Can we please...please try to get back to where...where we used to be?"

"I don't wanna go back to where we used to be, El," Olivia said, placing tiny kisses to his chin and jaw line. "I wanna go someplace better." She looked up at him, and his eyes were closed, his hands under her towel, feeling her warm, damp, back as he held her. "Elliot, look at me," she whispered.

Elliot looked up and he opened his eyes, gasping at what he saw. She was in front of him, the light in her eyes back and in full force, pulling him in, drawing him toward her.

"I'm not the girl who wrote that letter anymore," she told him. "You came back. I don't need to close my eyes to see yours because I can see them anytime I want. Right?"

"Right," Elliot chuckled. He kissed her again, and decided to move on. "I uh, I took out pajamas for you," he said, clearing his throat and pointing to the pants on the bed.

"I see that," Olivia laughed, wiping the last tear from her eye before reaching out her hand to do the same to Elliot. "Thank you."

"No problem," Elliot said, kissing her again. "Liv, baby, those letters..."

"I know, I'll throw it out," Olivia interrupted.

"No," Elliot said, strongly. "They were beautiful. Well, aside from the one where you threatened to cut my balls off when I came back, but they really were...amazing. I'd like to...I mean, if you don't want them...I want them."

Olivia tugged on her pants, then turned her back to him, dropping the towel to pull on her shirt. "I wrote them to you," she said, turning to face him. "They're yours."

"Thank you," he told her, pulling her toward the bed. He pulled down the blanket, picked Olivia up, hearing her laugh, and he dropped her lovingly into the middle of the bed. "I love that laugh," he said, kissing her. "I'm determined to hear that more often. I'm gonna make you happy, baby."

"You will," Olivia said. "I know you will. You already do." She kissed him as he made himself comfortable against her and tugged the quilt over them, then she said, "Tomorrow night, El. After work. You're taking me to Rudy's."

Elliot's eyes widened as he smiled at her. "Okay," he said.

"I'm probably gonna be really hungry," Olivia told him, nuzzling into his chest. "We could be there a while."

"That's not a problem," Elliot told her, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief pass over him. "Not a problem at all baby."

"You know what we're doing after dinner?" Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow.

Elliot shook his head and kissed her. "What?" he asked.

Olivia closed her eyes and cuddled against him, wrapping herself firmly around him. As Elliot turned out the light, she said, "Picking your kids up at the airport."

Elliot smiled into the dark and squeezed Olivia tighter. He had her back, part of her, and the rest was coming slowly, and tomorrow he would get his kids back, too. He couldn't help but think, though, that in getting these two grossly important things back, something had to be taken away. He didn't want to find out what.

**A/N: How will the kids react to their father being home? Being with Olivia? The first day of Fin's trial, and a confrontation with Sonya, too. Click, review, and I'll give it to you! Tweet at TMG212 on Twitter, too. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: The kids come back! A new realization about how Olivia handled her year away from Elliot, and Sonya Paxton gets under their skin. **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

"You weren't kidding when you told me you were starving," Elliot said, wrapping his arm around Olivia as they sat in the airport. They were waiting for Elliot's kids. "You ate the whole damn cow, not just the ribs, and about a pound of fries, babe. You weren't too hungry," he chuckled.

"Nope," Olivia said, laughing. "Though, now, I think I'll be full for a week."

"Oh, no, baby," Elliot said, sticking a piece of Nicorette in his mouth. "You're eating, three meals a day and snacks, until you are...back."

Olivia scoffed. "Don't push it, El," she said.

Elliot chuckled. "Right," he said. "Time. I know." He sighed and let his eyes close, pulling her closer to him. A few silent, comfortable minutes passed, then they heard four throats clear. Olivia shot out of the seat and stood to the side as Elliot opened one eye, closed it again, then popped them open in realization. He leaped out of his seat and pulled his children into his arms, and they returned his embraced eagerly.

Olivia watched as the five Stablers in front of her cried and clutched each other tightly. She smiled at the sight, trying not to cry herself. She tried to back away to give them privacy, but Elliot reached out, grabbed her sleeve, and pulled her into the emotional hug. She was shocked for a moment, but relaxed when she felt Elliot's son Dickie's arm around her, holding her into the embrace, too.

Three minutes later, they all pulled apart, rubbing their eyes and sniffling. "Daddy," Maureen, his oldest daughter, began. "Where were you?"

"Undercover job," Elliot croaked. "Took longer than it was supposed to, guys, I am so...so sorry."

Kathleen, his second oldest child, nodded her head. "Just don't leave us like that again, okay? Mom is so horrible, Daddy, and Liv was..."

"I know what Liv was," Elliot said, shaking his head. "I was almost as bad, but, uh, I think we're gonna be okay now. Come on, we're going back to Liv's."

"Where are we all gonna sleep?" Lizzie, Dickie's twin sister, asked. "You two are probably taking the bed."

Elliot laughed. "We'll worry about that when we get home."

Maureen looked at Olivia, then back at her father. "Home," she said. "I like the sound of that."

"So do I," Elliot said, looking passed his children, and into Olivia's almost-fully-brightened eyes.

Olivia smiled at him, and followed Elliot and the kids out of the airport, into the parking lot, into the car, and to the place that Maureen had just called home.

* * *

"Liv," Elliot called to her in the middle of the night. "Liv, what are you doing?"

Olivia sighed, leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom, looking out into the living room at the two bodies on the couches and the two bodies on the floor. "Watching them," she whispered.

"They're fine," Elliot said, walking close to her, reaching a hand out to grip her shoulder. "They're asleep, just like you should be."

"They had a rough day, El," Olivia said, shaking her head. "A long flight, then the emotional rollercoaster of seeing you again after a year, followed by hours of pretty intense conversation. If one of them wakes up screaming..."

"Then one of us, if not both, will get up and go to them," Elliot finished for her. "You don't have to watch them, waiting for it to happen."

Olivia bit her lip. "You heard them, El. Kathy and that...guy...God, I should have never let them get on that plane! I should have tried harder, convinced her you were coming home and she should wait for you."

Elliot shook his head and scoffed. "Liv, no. You couldn't have done anything. She's their mother, and she was leaving me whether I came home or not," he told her. "They're here, now, and they're gonna adjust to this, to us, to having me back in their lives."

"Are you okay with it?" Olivia asked.

"Hell yeah," Elliot said with a smirk.

Olivia looked at him, then. "No, I mean are you okay with Kathy marrying that asshole, having his baby, leaving you with the kids like this when you don't even have a place to live. El, you're not even fully reacquainted with your old life, now you have a completely new one. It doesn't seem fair."

Elliot sighed. He ran a hand through his scruffy hair and said, "Kathy's happy. Something she hasn't been for a very long time. I'm happy for her. I've moved on, in case you haven't noticed," he said, kissing her forehead. "I'm perfectly adjusted, baby. To you, to this, I have my life back, I have you and my kids. I'm one happy fucker, Liv."

"About that 'place-to-live' part?" Olivia questioned, raising her eyebrow. "I'm not kicking you guys out, by any means. Stay as long as you want, but eventually, your chiropractic bills are gonna be ridiculous because that floor is all kinds of uncomfortable."

Before Elliot could tell her he'd been house-hunting, his cell phone rang. He sighed as he answered it, and rolled his eyes when he heard who the person calling was and what they wanted. "Alright, alright," he groaned, "Stop yelling. We'll be right there." He snapped his phone shut and said, "I'm going to kill that woman."

Olivia shook her head and moved to her closet, pulling out a suit for Elliot and a suit for her. Her phone rang, too, as she changed. "Benson," she said, as calmly as possible as she watched Elliot change. "Okay, yeah. No, uh, I can get a ride with Elliot. Not a problem. Bye."

"That didn't sound like Paxton," Elliot griped as he buttoned his shirt.

"It was Munch," Olivia chuckled.

"How come you got Munch and I got the Wicked Witch of the West?" Elliot asked, pulling up his pants.

Olivia, slipping her arms through her blazer, said, "Because the last time she called me in the middle of the night, I was incredibly unlikable."

Elliot laughed, popping a piece of Nicorette into his mouth.

"Ya know, that stuff...is it working?" Olivia asked, grabbing her gun and badge off of the night table.

"Yeah," Elliot said. "Takes the edge off, keeps the urge to actually light one up under control, and, uh, according to the box, in two more weeks, I will officially be a non-smoker," he told her.

They walked out into the living room and Elliot bent down to wake Maureen, to tell her they had to go. "Mo, honey?"

"Daddy?" Maureen questioned.

"Yeah, pumpkin," Elliot said, smiling lovingly at her.

Maureen smiled. "I thought it was a dream," she whispered, "But you're here, for real."

"Yeah, honey, I am," Elliot said, smoothing her hair back. "Liv and I gotta go, if you need anything, we both have our cells on, and you know the number at the station."

Maureen nodded, giving him a big hug. "I love you, Daddy," she said, squeezing him tight.

"I love you, too, pumpkin," Elliot said, sighing contentedly into her hair, wishing he didn't have to go. He rose off the floor and rested a hand on Olivia's lower back, guiding her out of her apartment. He closed the door behind him, making sure it was locked, and said, "It feels so good to have my family back."

Olivia nodded, smiling. "I know it does."

"Hey, Liv, where did they sleep when they stayed with you on weekends?" Elliot asked, hitting the call button for the elevator.

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "Maureen and Kathleen slept in the bed. Lizzie took the loveseat and Dickie slept on the couch."

"Babe," Elliot said, his brow furrowing as they stepped onto the elevator, "Where did you sleep?"

Olivia sighed, looking up at him as the doors closed. She shrugged a bit and said, "I didn't."

Elliot raised an eyebrow, tilted his head, and said, "Excuse me?"

"Dickie looks just like you," Olivia said, walking off the lift and out of the building with Elliot behind her. "Did you know that? And they all have your eyes. Maureen has your humor, Katie has your attitude, Lizzie has your intellect, and Dickie is...you, El. The boy is you. I didn't sleep at all when they were with me, because I was watching them. El, in some weird way, I was watching you."

"Liv," Elliot whispered, grabbing her arm and yanking her back. He kissed her, soft, slow, passionate. He let her go and looked into her shocked eyes. "I love you," he whispered. "But you don't have to watch them like that anymore. I'm right here."

Olivia smiled at him, moved hesitantly toward him, and kissed him. Making the first move for the first time. "I love you, too," she whispered. "Maybe by the time you're nicotine free, I'll stop wondering if you're gonna be there when I wake up."

Elliot chuckled and said, "I will always be there when you wake up." He kissed her again, leading her to the car.

* * *

They arrived at the scene and as soon as their doors opened and their feet hit the pavement, Sonya Paxton was on their backs. "What the hell took so long, Stabler? I;m not getting any younger!"

"That's for damn sure," Elliot spat back at her.

"You two boning each other on company time?" Sonya asked. "No, that's not it, you would have been here twenty minutes ago, because you can't last more than five minutes, can you, Stabler?"

Olivia turned, snapping, "Back off, bitch!" She walked closer and got a whiff of Sonya, and she retreated. "You smell like a liquor cabinet," she hissed. "For your information, Paxton, we got here as fast as we could. Just because you have no life and follow Cragen around like a lost poodle, doesn't mean we live at the fucking station. We were home, in bed, like normal people! We had to get up, get dressed, and drive out here from the fucking Upper East Side, which, if we weren't speeding like we were, would have taken a fuck lot longer than ten minutes, which is when you fucking called Elliot!"

Sonya was glaring at her. She turned, slowly, to Elliot. "Now you see why I don't talk to her?"

"See why I do?" Elliot countered, brushing passed Paxton roughly and heading toward the body, grabbing Olivia's arm along the way.

"Oh," Paxton called after them, "By the way, you two have to be in court Wednesday. Hope you're ready to testify against your little buddy Fin, because I'm going to be asking you some really interesting questions. He had a lot to say in our discovery meeting, and you two have a lot of explaining to do."

Olivia looked at Elliot, wide-eyed, scared, then she narrowed them. "Drunk bitch doesn't know who's she's messing with does she?"

Elliot, snapping his gum, looked away from Olivia and peered down at the body, saying, "No, Liv." He ran a gloved hand over the wound on the vic's left arm, instantly knowing it was made by a large, bare hand. He looked back at Olivia and saw his partner smirking at him. His Liv. Coming back with a vengeance. He smirked back and said, "She definitely doesn't."

**A/N: Sonya's cross examination may get them into trouble. How does Fin handle being the defendant? And what is Porter's next move? Review if you'd like to get the next chapter! Here or on Twitter TMG212**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sonya's cross examination may get them into trouble. How does Fin handle being the defendant? **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

"Are you okay?" Elliot said, handing Olivia half of his sandwich.

Olivia shook her head at the food, but said, "Yeah, fine, why?"

Elliot bit into his sandwich with one hand, stroked her hair back with the other, and said, "Calm down. You've been on the stand a thousand times."

Olivia sighed, bit her bottom lip, and said, "But I've never had to testify against Fin before."

"We're not testifying against him," Elliot said. "We're testifying against Porter, really, but this is not his trial, babe. Fin's just caught in the middle. We're not gonna say anything to hurt him."

"No," Olivia said, smirking and scoffing. "The only people who'll be getting hurt in there are us, your kids..."

"What?" Elliot interrupted. "No one is gonna get hurt, Liv!"

Olivia turned to him. "I have to tell them everything, El. Fin told them everything, I have to repeat it. We have to tell them about this," she said, gesturing between them. "Whatever this is. That's gonna cost us our jobs, it's gonna make your kids hate me, it's gonna force me to deal with things I've been trying so hard not to deal with."

Elliot turned, threw his sandwich and the foil it was wrapped in into the bin beside the bench, and took her hands in his. "Honey, calm down," he whispered. "The first thing Dickie said when he got off the plane was that he assumed we were taking the bed. It's been a year, Liv. The kids are fine with me and you, and they are not going to hate you. They love you. You know they love you. Our jobs...God, you know that Cragen knows something's up already. Tucker found out about us when he heard Fin talk, and he didn't do anything, ya know why?" he asked, looking into her eyes. "Because he saw what you became when I wasn't there. He saw..." he stopped, looking away from her. His eyes watered and his voice cracked as he let out a light sob. "He saw what I did to you, Baby. And he knows that I'm not leaving you, ever again, no matter what."

Olivia, her heart breaking by looking at him, threw her arms around him and squeezed. He turned back to her, capturing her lips in a heart-melting kiss, and there they remained, calming down and sinking into each other, until the bailiff called them into the courtroom.

Calmly, Elliot stood, holding his hand out to Olivia. She took it and he walked her into the room. He sat in the front row, as Olivia was sworn in, then sat in the witness stand, waiting. She looked around, though, and shot Elliot a confused look. Paxton wasn't there.

Ten minutes later, Olivia was growing irritated. She had already been questioned by Porter's attorney. He had asked exactly what Porter had been concealing from her that was so detrimental, and why it was such a big deal. She answered him; her testimony had moved the jury, the public audience, and the judge to tears. Even Dean himself was crying. Still, there was no sign of Paxton.

Judge Petrovsky, tapping her nails on the desk, sighed. "I'm growing very tired of waiting for the defending attorney, Mister Langan. You can't act on her behalf for much longer," she said. "If need to declare a mis..."

"I'm here!" Paxton said, bursting through the door. "I was, uh, well, I lost track of time."

Olivia looked at her, feeling a flash of recognition and fear.

Elliot, seeing this, tried to get her attention, but failed. He was concerned as he looked at Olivia. Something was wrong.

Petrovsky cleared her throat. "Very well," she said. "Are you prepared to question Detective Benson?"

"More than," Paxton said. "If I could just read the, uh, transcript," she said, walking over to the court reporter. She read over what had already been asked, and said, and where others had cried, she snickered and laughed. "So," she said. "You're in love with your partner, Benson? Isn't that, like, a cop commandment?"

Olivia swallowed. "I've never been very religious," she said, earning a few chuckles from the onlookers and jurors.

"Right," Paxton said, "Your a faithless, fearless, woman of the new millennium." She scoffed. "With a soft spot for Stabler. You sicken me, you know that? You call yourself strong, fearless, independent, but you're none of that, are you, Detective Benson? You're not strong. For the year he was gone, you were weak. Worse than weak." She took a step closer to the stand. "You were afraid of your own shadow, weren't you? You couldn't eat, couldn't sleep," she said, taunting Olivia. "You were completely dependent on someone who wasn't even there. Detective Tutuola didn't shoot Dean Porter out of spite or because he's a violent monster, no. He shot Dean Porter because he couldn't stand to see the pile of sniveling, pathetic, goopy uselessness that you were reduced to because of a man, didn't he?"

"Objection!" Trevor Langan yelled. "Your Honor..."

"Mister Langan," Petrovsky said, "You can't object to your own defense." She looked at Paxton and furrowed her brow. "Miss Paxton, I suggest you lighten your line of questioning before..."

"Yes," Olivia said, seriousness in her voice. "You're right. Fin shot Porter because of what his actions and deceit did to me and to Detective Stabler. Fin was defending us. But the reason, I was reduced to, what, uh, you called it a pile of sniveling, pathetic, goopy uselessness is because I'm hopelessly in love. He gives me my strength, he makes me fearless, he makes me who I am, because he's the only person in my life who has ever told me I was worth anything and made me believe it. When he was gone, no one was there to keep me believing. No one. Hell, my own mother convinced me I was worthless, because she was just like you. A drunk."

"Excuse me?" Paxton gasped, backing up.

Olivia turned to Judge Petrovsky. "She's drunk, Your Honor." She turned back to Sonya. "Glassy eyes, rude and aggressive behavior, she's stumbling, tripping over herself, she even smells drunk. You can ask my partner, she was drunk at a crime scene two nights ago, too. She has a problem. If anyone can tell, it's me."

"Olivia, don't do this to me," Paxton whispered to her, leaning over the stand.

Olivia simply glared up at her and smirked.

Petrovsky looked at Paxton, shocked. "Have you been drinking, Miss Paxton?"

"What? No!" Paxton yelled. "She is just bitter because I'm calling her out on all of her shit!" she said, pointing to Olivia. She took a step and stumbled. "Okay," she said. "I may have had a few drinks last night with Mister Langan while we were going over our questions and preperation."

Petrovsky looked at Trevor. "Mister Langan?" she questioned.

"Your Honor," Trevor said, holding up his hands, "I was with Sonya for an hour, and saw her have two drinks, then I left. She was still there, and it didn't look like she was getting ready to leave."

"Is everyone throwing me under the goddamned bus?" Paxton asked, throwing up her arms.

"Detective Stabler," Judge Petrovsky said, "Please, run downstairs to storage, fetch a breathalyzer and bring a court officer with you."

Elliot got out of his row, nodding at the judge, catching Olivia's eyes. He smirked at her as he turned to follow the judges orders. He came back three minutes later, walked down to the front of the court room and held the machine out to Paxton. He smirked and said, evilly and softly, "Blow, bitch."

Paxton fluttered her eyes shut, wrapped her lips around the plastic tube, and blew hard. afraid of the results. She let go, then sunk into the chair next to Langan, sobbing, as Elliot handed the little black box to the judge.

Petrovsky looked at it, her eyes widening. "Miss Paxton, have you been drinking throughout the entire trial?" Paxton sighed. That was enough of an answer. "In light of this unfortunate discovery, I have no choice but to declare a mistrial. Evidence, documents, and witness questioning are inadmissible as they've been submitted by a lawyer under the influence. Detective Tutuola, you are free to go. Officers, escort Porter back to his cell where he will await his own trial, and Detectives Benson and Stabler, anything you have said in this courtroom must be stricken from the record. You're both excused." She turned to Paxton and said, "As for you, mandatory treatment. If you refuse, it'll cost you your license immediately. Understood?"

Paxton nodded as her head fell into her hands.

Elliot helped Olivia off the stand, and as they walked out he whispered, "You were brilliant."

"Hey, she played right into it. I didn't think she would actually be drunk," Olivia said, smirking. "But I'm very glad she was."

"You saved Fin's ass," Elliot told her, kissing her temple.

Olivia scoffed. "I saved our own asses. You heard her, El. Stricken from the record. Chief never has to hear any of that," she told him.

"You really are back, aren't you?" Elliot asked, turning her toward him.

Olivia took a deep breath and sighed. "Not yet," she said. "But I'm pretty damn close."

* * *

"Dad," Dickie said, chewing, "This is amazing!"

Maureen, Kathleen, and Lizzie nodded and hummed in agreement. "We haven't had steak in, well, a year, actually. Mom's fiancée is a vegan," Maureen said.

Lizzie looked at Olivia and tilted her head. "Liv, what's wrong? Aren't you hungry?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," Olivia said, taking a bite of what she had to admit was the best steak she ever had. "Just thinking."

"About what?" Kathleen asked.

Olivia put her fork down and sighed. She looked t each kid and said, "Are you guys okay?"

"We're fine," Dickie said, cutting a piece of his steak. "It's you that seems...not fine."

"We're just a little upset," Kathleen said. "We missed a year of Dad's life and he can't talk to us about where he was or what he was doing. All we know is he came back...different."

Elliot looked at Olivia, swallowed his steak, and said, "Yeah, guys, I can't talk to about the case I was working on. You don't need that in your heads. And I came back different, that's true, because I was...lost...without you guys, without...without Liv. But I've got you all back now, and we're good."

"Not all of us," Lizzie said, softly, looking at Olivia.

Olivia chuckled grimly. "I'm fine, Lizzie. Trust me, I'm much better now than I was a month ago. I feel better, I'm...more myself than I have been in...well, in a year." She reached over and took Elliot's hand. "And I'm happier than I have ever been, in my entire life."

"So, uh, Dad," Kathleen said, smirking, "Are you and LIv, like, dating?"

Elliot took a deep breath, as Olivia had before, and said, "You could call it that. I think it's more than that, though."

Dickie asked, "Are you guys getting married like Mom and Rick?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Olivia said, drinking her water fast.

Dickie swallowed then said, "I said, are you going to..."

"She heard you," Elliot said, interrupting. "We both heard you. I just, uh, we're not, um, this is still new, kid. We aren't..."

"You've been in love with her for years Dad," Maureen said. "Why did it take you being away from her to realize it?"

Elliot looked nervously at Olivia and said, very softly, knowing he'd have to explain, "It didn't."

**A/N: The rest of the dinner conversation, an intimate moment in the bedroom brings them closer to fine, and another emotional admission from Elliot, if you want it. Reviews make me smile almost as much as watching all of Meloni's scenes in Oz. (Relax, I said ALMOST!) Leave a note here or to TMG212 on Twitter!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: The rest of the dinner conversation, an intimate moment in the bedroom brings them closer to fine, and another emotional admission from Elliot.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia looked at him, shocked. "What the..."

"I knew," Elliot said, dropping his fork. "I always knew. I just...didn't realize how bad it really was until I wasn't here with you. Liv, I was gone, maybe a week, tops, until I fell apart. It didn't take me being away from you to realize I loved you. It took being away from you to realize I loved you so much it hurts."

"Wow," Olivia said, putting her fork down, too, on top of her barely eaten steak.

"Dad, that was very...I think you scared Olivia," Maureen said, a frightened look in her eyes.

Olivia blinked. "No, no, I just wasn't expecting him to say..." she paused and shook her head, taking a breath. "I'm okay."

Elliot took her hand, getting her attention, and when she looked at him she saw nothing but love in his eyes, and a seriousness in his gaze. She gave his hand a squeeze as she attempted to pick up her fork again, but Elliot stopped her.

"Liv," Elliot said softly, "I have to show you show you something." He brushed his thumb over her knuckles. "Not right now. After dinner. Tonight."

Olivia looked at him warily, nodded once, and said, "Okay." She watched Elliot pick up his fork and resume eating his steak, and she did the same, finally allowing herself to eat a meal without feeling guilty. Without feeling like she'd be betraying Elliot by eating without knowing if he was doing the same, because he was. She knew he was. He was right beside her, doing it.

After dinner, Maureen washed the dishes and Kathleen put them away. Dickie and Lizzie picked out a movie and the...was this a family, now? They get into comfortable clothes, their pajamas, and scattered about the living room to watch the flick. Elliot and Olivia curled up together in a corner of the couch, and Olivia noticed Elliot kept pulling at the end of his sleeve. He was biting his bottom lip, too, and he was popping his Nicorette. He was nervous, and Elliot Stabler never got nervous.

"El, honey, what's wrong?" Olivia whispered to him, her hand resting on his knee.

Elliot looked at her and he calmed instantly, her presence alone enough to bring him to a happy place. "Nothing," he said. "Nothing at all." At least, for the moment. When he showed her what he had to show her, that might all change.

* * *

"Well, they're terribly uncomfortable," Olivia said with a yawn, "But they're asleep., and they zonked right out."

Elliot, lying on the bed, opened his arms and gestured. "Come here, Liv," he said softly.

Olivia slowly crawled onto the bed and made her way into his arms, snuggling into them. Her eyes closed a bit too tightly, and she may have shuddered a bit, then she heard his voice.

"I'm here, Liv," Elliot whispered, kissing her forehead. "You have to stop. Please, baby. Stop thinking I'm gonna disappear. Stop thinking I'm not real, that I'm not gonna bear here if you open your eyes or blink too many times."

Olivia opened her eyes, and looked up into his. "I don't think..."

"Yes, you do," Elliot said, sounding certain. "Because sometimes, I think the same fucking thing." He backed up, slowly, and pulled away from her. Then he pulled off his sweatshirt. He turned out his left arm, took off his watch and Olivia gasped. "I went crazy out there, Liv. Not seeing your face everyday, not seeing your eyes, your smile, that smirk. I thought, for a while, that I would start to forget."

"El," Olivia said, tracing the small but detailed image of her face that had been permanently inked into the underside of his wrist, "I...you got a..."

"Tattoo," he finished. "Of you. That has to tell you something. You are officially and permanently under my skin, Olivia Benson."

Olivia ran her thumb over, well, her face, and she blinked. "Why here?" she asked. "Under your wrist? Why at all?"

"I needed you with me," Elliot said. "I needed you, somewhere I could see you anytime I needed to, but not where...I couldn't risk anyone else seeing it. It was so easy, Liv, to just roll up my sleeve, slide up the thick band, and find you. It was also easy to enough to cover up. God forbid I came home to you, to find you didn't really care I'd been gone. Imagine me trying to explain this to you, to Cragen, to Tucker, if I didn't mean as much..."

His words were cut off. His thoughts were ended. His senses were momentarily disabled as her lips crashed down against his. "You do," she whispered against his lips. She gently tugged at his tee-shirt, sliding her hands under it, moaning lightly at feeling his muscular chest so surely, so intently, with such purpose, for the first time. They had both changed so much, but yet they were the same people, the same old Olivia and Elliot, with new freedoms to express the parts of themselves they had kept hidden for so long, and that was all rapidly becoming clear.

Elliot pulled Olivia up, wrapping her legs around his waist as he kept kissing her. He slid his arms up her body, slowly, caressing every curve as he made his way toward her neck and entangled his fingers in her hair. He moaned and held her head down, deepening the kiss, turning up the heat.

Olivia felt a rush of adrenaline course through her body. No man had ever taken so much time to just kiss her like this before. Every other man she had ever been with, and honestly it was an impressive number, had not taken his time to treat her as anything more than what she was: a date, a moment, a body, a night. Elliot was _loving_ her. Really, truly loving her, and she felt it with every pass of his lips across hers, every swipe of his tongue over hers, ever brush of his fingertips over a patch of her skin, every murmur of her name. She _felt_ it.

"Liv," Elliot whispered, "Baby, if we don't stop...honey...I can't..." he stopped and let out a soft frustrated grunt and held onto her tighter, kissing his way down her neck. "Waited too long," he whispered. "Don't want to rush into something we aren't...you aren't...oh, Liv." He slid his hands down and cupped her ass, kissing her collar bone as her head fell backward.

"El," she cried softly. Her hands finally emerged from beneath the fabric of his shirt to clutch the back of his head. She ran her hands through his short hair and down his neck and back, up again, biting her bottom lip as he kissed her. She had never wanted anyone more in her life, but she forced herself to do what she thought she had to do. "El, baby," she moaned, pulling his head away from her hot skin. She looked down into his eyes, noticed how dark with desire and need they had become, and she kissed his lips. "I don't want to stop," she whispered, kissing him again.

"But we have to," Elliot said, slowly caressing her back, calming the both of them down. "We have to, because we're not...at least I'm not emotionally stable yet, and I really don't think..."

"No," Olivia said, dropping her forehead to his. "Not yet. But I'm not hitting you in the face in the morning," she said. "You're going to be there, I know that."

Elliot nodded and kissed her again, a small peck which quickly heated, and deepened. "Shit," he mumbled against her lips. "What the hell are we doing, Liv. There really is no fighting this, is there?" he asked, pulling away, gasping for air.

Olivia held up his wrist and shook her head. "No, El. We've been fighting it for too damn long." She pushed him down and said, "We know our limits, we know the lines and we know..."

"Liv," Elliot said, looking up at her, into her eyes, "We don't have limits anymore and we crossed every fucking line a long time ago. Don't try to tell me we didn't. You know it, and I know it, Liv. You can sit here, on top of me no less, and tell me we were just tired or blowing off steam, but whatever you tell me is a crock of shit. We were pushing each other's buttons for years, making each other jealous, driving each other fucking crazy. It took being apart...for a goddamn year...to give me the balls to make a real move, to let go of Kathy and grab onto you, and now that I have," he reached around her neck and pulled her down to him, "I am not giving up. Not ever. I swear. I promise."

"You never break your promises," Olivia said. "Not on purpose," she added.

"Not ones I make to you and my children," Elliot told her. "I love you, Liv," he said, his voice cracking. "I love you so damn much." He kissed her lips, then her forehead, then pulled her tightly to him. He tugged on the quilt beneath him and shifted his weight, moving Olivia with him, and pulled it over them.

Olivia sighed as Elliot made sure they were both comfortable and he nestled her in his arms. "I love you," she said back to him. "And I know you...I know you're looking for a house. I know you have to. I just...I'm gonna miss you. I don't know if I can go back to sleeping without you. Not again."

Elliot scoffed. Then he snickered. Then he chuckled. And then it was a full on, hearty guffaw.

"How exactly is this funny, Stabler?" Olivia said.

Elliot calmed his laughing and wiped a tear from his eyes, saying, "Oh, honey, it's not...it's not funny."

"You and those kids are...you're my reason for existing, you know that?" Olivia said. "You know that!"

"And you're mine," Elliot said, nodding. "Which is exactly why I was laughing. Baby, how could you even entertain the thought, for one possible millisecond, that I would be moving into a house, or go anywhere without you?"

Olivia looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "I just thought that...I mean, they're your family, and..."

"You are part of my family, baby," Elliot said. "My kids, you, and my job," he listed, "Are the only things in this world that mean anything to me. I could live without my job if I had to, but without my kids? Without you? I'd die. That point's been made. Twice."

Olivia chuckled. "Guess it has," she said.

"That's why I haven't made an offer on any houses, Liv," Elliot admitted. "Nothing fits. I'm not buying anything you're gonna hate, and I'm not buying anything that we're gonna be cramped in. The kids can spend another week on the floor. We got 'em an air mattress, they're okay for now."

Olivia laughed. "Father of the year goes to..."

"Me," Elliot interrupted, "For trying to keep my family together, safe, and happy, and in Manhattan."

"Manhattan?" Olivia questioned, furrowing her brow.

"I'm not moving them back to Queens. Too many painful memories," Elliot said, shaking his head. "Their lives fell apart in Queens, and some beautiful angel put them back together in a tiny apartment in Manhattan. I wanna keep them here. Besides, we'll be closer to work, there are a thousand schools they can choose from, it's perfect. It's gonna be perfect." He kissed her again, reached over her, and turned out the light. "Go to sleep, honey," he whispered. "I'm gonna be here when you wake up."

"I know you are," Olivia said, smiling as she kissed him again.

Just as both sets of eyes drifted closed, Olivia's phone rang. For the third night in a row, work had gotten in the way of sleep. She shot out a hand and grabbed her cell, tapping the screen to answer it. "Benson," she said, sighing. "Oh, my God. When? How?" she spat quickly, getting up and rushing to find clothes. She threw Elliot a suit and gestured wildly.

"What is it?" he asked, getting up and dressing.

"We're on our way," Olivia said into the phone, tapping the end call button and pulling on her blazer. There were tears in her eyes as she looked at Elliot. "Cragen's just been shot," she said, falling into him. "We have to meet Fin and Munch at Mercy General in ten minutes."

Elliot dropped his jacket. His eyes widened, and as his arms wrapped around his girlfriend, they drifted shut. A tear rolled down his cheek as he held Olivia tight and a gross, in every sense of the word, realization sunk in. They had just gotten their lives back, and now, it seemed, they were about to fall apart.

**A/N: Is Cragen going to be okay? Do they find a house? Where? And are they able to move forward in their relationship? What happens when they get to the hospital and Elliot realizes he didn't put his watch back on? Find out...if you leave a review! Here, or follow TMG212 on Twitter! Thank you for reading! I don't know why I'm yelling!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Is Cragen going to be okay? What happens when they get to the hospital and Elliot realizes he didn't put his watch back on?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia was shaking like a leaf in Elliot's arms as they waited in the emergency room. He brushed her hair back and tried to calm her down as she ran her hand up and down his leg. The kids, sleepy and uncomfortably quiet, sat in the chairs next to them.

Munch eyed Olivia and Elliot suspiciously, but said nothing, owning the cuddles and touches up to the captain being in the position he was in. They, too, were in need of some comfort. At least Olivia and Elliot found it with each other.

Fin, of course, knew better. He chuckled at Munch's reaction, wondering how he had missed this. How he could be the only person in the unit, besides Cragen, who didn't have a solid, definitive answer about whether or not Olivia and Elliot were really together.

"How did this happen?" Elliot asked, not looking at him, but directing the question to Fin.

Fin shook his head. "Cap went in first, told me to hang back."

"Where was Munch?" Elliot asked, a slight bitterness in his voice.

"Chasin' the vic," Fin said. "Eight year old boy, runnin' down the street like a bat outta hell."

Elliot closed his eyes, pressing his head further into the back of Olivia's. He breathed her in, finding her scent intoxicating and comforting, and exhaled slowly, trying not to show he was angry and upset. "The guy who shot him?"

"Cragen fired back," Munch said, stone-faced and icy voiced. "He's dead."

"Good," Elliot said, not caring anyone who shouldn't know was there. He pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Olivia's neck.

Fin smirked. Munch raised an eyebrow. "Something I'm missing?" Munch asked, folding his arms.

"No," Olivia said, her nails still scraping up and down Elliot's leg. "If you're seeing it, you're not missing it."

Elliot chuckled lightly against the back of her neck. "Love you," he whispered.

"He's gonna be okay," Olivia whispered back, not ignoring his affectionate confession, but that the was the first thing that had come to her mind.

"I know he is, baby," Elliot said to her, his hands still running through her hair.

Munch tilted his head. "I'm really missing some...is that a new tattoo, Stabler?"

Olivia gasped. Elliot instantly pulled down the sleeve of his jacket. "No," he said. "Birthmark," he mumbled, dropping his hand to Olivia's waist. He pulled her close and sighed into her neck. "I hate hospitals," he said.

"You?" Olivia scoffed.

"I know, baby," Elliot whispered, rubbing the small of her back. "You hate 'em, too."

"Dad," Maureen whined, "When are they gonna tell us what happened? I wanna go home and go back to bed."

"Me, too, honey," Elliot said, turning to his daughter, "But we have to...home?"

Maureen yawned and nodded.

Kathleen, tugging her iPod's earbud out of her ear, said, "It's home, Dad. It has been, every weekend for the last year, and now...for real."

"We never really felt at home with Mom in Florida," Maureen said, her eyes closing and her head dropping to Kathleen's shoulder. "When Liv had us flown out every..."

"Sorry," Elliot said, stopping her. "What?"

Kathleen looked from Olivia to her father. "You didn't...oh, wow. Uh, yeah. Dad, Liv paid for our tickets."

"Every weekend?" Elliot asked, wide-eyed.

Kathleen nodded. "Up until...we stopped coming a few months ago. Mom said we had to let her..."

"Mom told us to let go," Maureen said, butting in. "She said we had to let you go, and so did Olivia."

Elliot's eyes slid shut again. He leaned into Olivia, dropping his head to her ear, whispering, "That's when you..."

"Completely fucking lost it," Olivia whispered back to him, interrupting. "Yeah."

"Oh, honey," Elliot said, pained yet somehow incredibly touched. He kissed her cheek and promised his kids they could all go home as soon as they found out what was wrong with Cragen.

"Hey, Fin," Munch said, leaning over to his partner, "What is up with them?"

"Don't know what you're talkin' about, man," Fin replied, smirking.

Munch shook his head, sighing. "Goddamned conspiracy."

* * *

Olivia fluttered her eyes opened, glanced down at her watch, and sighed. They'd been there for three hours. She looked around and smiled, though it wasn't a happy occasion. The entire precinct was in the waiting room, so were some people from the crime lab, Melinda Warner and her husband, several attorneys they worked with, and several officers and captains from other precincts. Doctor Huang, Ryan O'Halloran, and Trevor Langan gave her small, somber waves as she made eye-contact with them, and that's when she realized it. A possibly fatal error. Everyone they knew, and had to work with, had been watching her sleep in Elliot's arms. She jerked forward, and was surprised to see that Elliot was not in the seat beside her, but standing, talking to a surgeon.

A wave of relief passed over her, but it was short-lived. She didn't know when Elliot had gotten up, how many people had seen her cuddled close to him, or how many people would consider it a problem.

Elliot shook the doctor's hand and walked back over to Olivia, sitting beside her. He saw the nerves written on her face and he whispered, "Relax." He pulled up his sleeve a bit and said, "You fell asleep, I didn't. I moved you, got up, had a nurse wrap gauze around my wrist. People started showing up a few minutes after that. No one saw anything, no one knows anything, except Trevor. Calm down."

Olivia sighed in relief and nodded. "What did the doctor say?" she asked. "Any news about Cragen?"

"Yeah," Elliot said, his eyes looking away from hers. "He's out of surgery."

"And?" Olivia asked, impatiently.

Elliot sighed and grabbed her hand. "Liv..."

Olivia felt tears welling up. "El, come on," she said. "Just tell me," she pleaded, squeezing his hand.

"He's not waking up," Elliot said, a tear of his own rolling down his cheek. "He's breathing, he's stable, he's just...not...conscious. Doctor said it's probably just a reaction to the anesthesia but they're...it's a concern."

Olivia sniffed and kept back her tears, there were too many people around. She looked down at the kids and said, "We don't have to stay, El. I want to, but it's not just me anymore. We should get them home. He's gonna be okay."

Elliot nodded, getting out of his seat. He roused his kids, and he and Olivia made their way around the room, shaking hands and giving hugs, and they followed a line of officers out of the doors.

"Olivia," a voice called after them. "Elliot!"

They turned to see O'Halloran, from the lab, walking toward them. "How are you?" he asked, concerned.

"We're, uh, we're okay," Elliot said, his hand in Olivia's.

O'Halloran took a breath. "I was...asking Olivia, actually." He glanced at her and she tried to smile at him. "How are you?"

Olivia sighed. "I'm good, Ryan. Thanks," she said.

"Really?" O'Halloran asked, "Because the last time we spent any time together you were a wreck."

"Yeah, I'm fine now. Thank you," Olivia said, trying to back away before he could say anything else.

"You almost killed her, you know that?" O'Halloran said, looking at Elliot. "I mean, I'm sure you know that, but she wouldn't even let anyone else..." he paused, and sighed. "Just take care of her. Love her, Elliot, because you're the only one who can. She wouldn't even let me try," he explained sadly. "Oh, and, uh, you'll have the DNA results from the Gelfan case on your desk tomorrow, Olivia. We've got a match." He smiled slightly at her, then walked toward his car, away from them.

"You, uh, you went out with Ryan?" Elliot asked, slowly leading his tired kids to the SUV.

Olivia sighed. "Once," Olivia said. "He saw how upset I was, he wanted to take me out and get my mind off of things. It didn't work. I left in the middle of dinner. I just couldn't handle it. I was too far gone, El." She opened the door and helped the kids into the car. She closed it and turned to Elliot. "He took me home, said he understood and that he hoped you came home soon because he hated seeing me...like that."

"He's a good guy," Elliot said, running his hands down her shoulders.

Olivia smiled at him. "Yeah, he is," she said. She stayed still as Elliot moved to kiss her, and she wrapped her arms around him.

The kiss deepened and Elliot absentmindedly pushed her up against the car door. His hands ran down her body and he forgot where he was. He moaned softly into her mouth and one hand grabbed her ass, squeezing gently.

Olivia moaned, gripping his shoulders, but the sense returned to her just as another handful of their colleagues headed their way. She pushed him away from her and ran a hand down her face. "Shit," she spat, trying to catch her breath.

Elliot chuckled. "Damn," he said, walking around to the driver's side. He opened the door, and waited for her to do the same. As she got in the car he said, "Liv, honey, I need to know something."

"What?" Olivia replied, shutting the door. She watched him turn the key and she squeezed the bridge of her nose. It had been a horrible night.

"How much did you spend," Elliot said, pulling out of the parking space. "I don't want to hear 'not that much' or 'don't worry about it.' I want a number. Round trip tickets for four from Florida to New York, every weekend for eight months..."

"Twelve thousand dollars," Olivia said, biting her bottom lip. "About a hundred per ticket, per kid, per weekend. They give cops amazing discounts," she said with a laugh. "It was like fifteen hundred dollars a month. Eight months of that, plus tax, round it up. It's about that."

Elliot tried to look at her as he drove. "All because you missed me?"

"I missed them, too," Olivia said, smiling. "It was mostly you, but those kids are a huge part of me, Elliot, and when Kathy ripped them out of my life and took them across the damn country..." she paused and sighed. "I had already lost you. My life was falling apart."

"Thank you," Elliot said, kissing her as they stopped at a red-light. "I will pay you back, baby. Every last..."

"No, you won't," Olivia laughed. "You've already paid me back."

Elliot looked at her curiously as he stepped on the gas again. "How?" he questioned.

Olivia smiled at him, for the first time, the light in her eyes full and bright. "By putting my life back together." She reached over to the gearshift and took his hand.

Elliot lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it, smiling at her. He knew that once Cragen woke up, and once Porter's trial was over, they'd be back. They'd be back, and better than ever.

**A/N: Will Cragen wake up? Will they get a new house? And will they finally move forward in their relationship? Only you can prevent forest fires! Wait...that's not right...um...only you can make the world seem bright? No, uh...oh! Right! Only you can make me answer these questions. You know how ;) Tell me what you thought here, or follow TMG212 on Twitter! Thanks for reading =)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Will Cragen wake up? Will they get a new house? And will they finally move forward in their relationship? Who's their new A. D. A?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

Elliot woke up, hoping to find Olivia in his arms, but he didn't. "Liv?" he called into the darkness of her bedroom, which he supposed was now his, too. "Liv?" he called louder. He heard the bathroom door open and he sighed in relief, then sat up suddenly. He could tell she'd been crying.

Olivia said nothing, but crawled back into the bed, and let him hold her, the way he wished he could have when she cried herself to sleep.

"What's wrong, Liv?" Elliot whispered, running his hands up and down her arms, calming her as he held her.

Olivia shook her head and quietly sniffled, pulling his arms further around her.

"Talk to me, baby," Elliot whispered.

Olivia turned in his arms, looked up at him, and asked, "What happens if he..."

"Don't," Elliot warned. "Don't say it, Liv. He's gonna be fine."

"El," Olivia sighed, "He might not be. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a father, and I've treated him like shit for the past year. I mean, the last two weeks were not enough to make up for..."

Elliot shushed her. "Liv, he knows. He knows that you were going through a lot, and that it wasn't personal. He knows you love him, and he's going to be fine."

Olivia glanced at the clock. "We have to go to work in two hours," she said. "I know it won't be as intensely painful as walking in and finding you gone, but it's gonna hurt. Not seeing him, not having him there."

"I know it is," Elliot said, pressing a small kiss to her forehead. "It's gonna kill us both. But you have something keeping you strong, something you didn't have when I was gone."

Olivia smiled slightly, knowing exactly what he meant. "What?" she asked, her tears stopping as he arms wrapped tighter around him.

Elliot pressed his lips to hers, softly and gently, but in seconds the kiss had intensified, deepened to an impassioned dance of tongues and lips. Finally, they pulled apart. Breathless and trying to remain in control, Elliot said, "Me." He kissed her again, trying to stay relatively calm, and he said, "You're gonna do the same for me, Liv. Keep me together."

Olivia nodded, kissing him and rolling into him slightly. She let out a soft moan, forgetting her sadness and guilt and focusing only on the feelings kissing him, feeling him, was stirring. The need for him was intensifying, and though they were waiting for intimacy out of respect for each other's mental well being, the emotions and physical magnetism between them were getting impossible to fight. "El," she almost moaned against his lips, "Please."

"What, baby," Elliot mumbled into their kiss, refusing to break it, as he, too, found it increasingly difficult to control himself. He was holding her against him, so tightly, he knew she could feel him, hard and more ready than he'd ever been, and he was slightly worried about how she'd react.

Olivia's hands moved down his body, softly grazing his muscles, and then moving lower down his waist, then just barely touching him, and he gasped into her mouth and bucked his hips. "God, El," she groaned.

"Are you trying to kill me," Elliot breathed, pulling away, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to calm down. One brush of her fingers over him was enough to make him crazy. "Stop...we have to...stop...," he panted, trying to find her hands so he could pull them off of him. When he found them, though, he linked their fingers together, growled in frustration, and kissed his way across her chest, up her neck, and took her earlobe in his mouth. He heard her moan and almost lost it, moving back toward her mouth.

Olivia looked at him, waiting for his eyes to meet hers, and when they did, all traces of sadness had dissipated. "El," she said. "Don't stop," she said, crashing her lips back into his. She moaned in pleasure at the feeling of the kiss deepening, and she clutched his arms as he moved his hands down her body, skimming up the flannel pants she wore. She was anticipating his next move, and gasped when he made it, his fingers finding their way between her brilliantly smooth skin and the fabric. He tugged on the waistband, they both moaned, still kissing, and his hand slipped into her pants, lightly caressing her bare legs. "Christ," she whispered as they kissed.

Elliot was not alone, and he was suppressing the urge to cry as Olivia's hand mimicked his actions, slipping into his sweatpants, mere centimeters from his shaft. He moved his fingers, tracing the edge of her silk panties, and she gasped. He felt her fingers twitch, moving closer to their destination, and he was reminded of two young lovers fumbling through their first makeout session, worrying about what to do, how to feel. He slipped a finger under the silk, and was close, so close, to her hot, wet, slit, when the alarm buzzed loudly, snapping them both out of what was about to be something pretty close to immaculate.

Olivia jumped at the sound, then tried to control her breathing as she looked down and saw the position into which they had gotten themselves. "Shit," she chuckled.

"Fucking hell," Elliot said, catching his breath. "Talk about being saved by the bell."

Olivia pulled herself up and looked down at him. "El," she said, sighing, "I didn't really wanna be saved."

Elliot, staring deeply into her eyes, said nothing. He cupped her chin with his left thumb and forefinger, brought her head down, and kissed her sweetly and calmly. "Neither did I," he whispered. "Soon," he promised her. He promised himself, too, that he would make it special, but he would make it soon. Very soon.

* * *

"Hey," Fin said, rubbing his eyes as Elliot and Olivia walked in. "How, uh, how are you two holding up?"

Olivia shrugged, sipping her coffee.

Elliot answered for both of them. "I think we've both been better, but we've certainly been worse."

Fin nodded. "Makes sense."

"Who's in charge?" Olivia asked, cringing slightly, knowing it wasn't Cragen.

"Who else?" Fin said, jutting his thumb back toward the office. "Cap'n Munch, over there, has been fielding calls all damn day."

Olivia put her coffee down on the table and walked toward the office, putting on her game face and knocking.

Munch opened it and sighed in relief. "Thank God," he said. He handed her a pink slip of paper without even asking how she was, and said, "Please, just, go and get this guy. Try to set a record today. See how many perps you can catch in the next ten hours."

Olivia took the paper and sighed, walking back over to Elliot. "Don't get comfortable. Munch is sending us out already." She waved the pink slip in the air and shook her head.

"Hey, Baby-Girl," Fin said, then he sighed when she glared at him, still apparently holding a grudge. "I was just, uh, gonna say that you look good. You look happy. Welcome back."

Olivia let a small smile grace her lips and she said, simply, "Thanks." She placed her hand on Elliot's shoulder, nudging slightly, leading him out.

Munch, from behind Fin, asked, "Are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on with them?"

"As if you don't know," Fin spat back. "Look, just go back to your office. I'm gonna call Mercy and see how the cap..."

"He's still out," Munch said. "I just called. So, what, uh, are Benson and Stabler more than just partners now?"

Fin turned his head over his shoulder and said, "Munch, man, they always were. They just finally did somethin' about it."

Munch looked confused, but as Cragen's phone rang, yet again, he ran into the office, ignoring the problem of Benson and Stabler. At least, for the moment.

* * *

The green sedan pulled up to the address on the slip. Elliot put the car in park, and he looked out at the officers, analysts, and the small peach-colored blur that he assumed was the body. "Liv," he said, "I know you can't hold my hand out there, but I need to know...I need to know you're there. Never more than a foot away from me."

Olivia looked at him with a tilted head. "El, what are you..."

"It's a kid," Elliot interrupted, looking at her. "A little girl. I..."

Olivia understood and cut him off. "I'll be right next to you. This isn't like that, though," she said gently. "You have to let that all go. What you saw, what you heard, what you had to do," she listed, "You won. You got the bad guy, and this child, baby, she's..."

"Different," Elliot sighed. "I know, but it's gonna take time. Like you said, we're both gonna need time."

Olivia leaned over and pressed her lips to his. "For a few things," she whispered. "Some things, I promise you, we're ready for." She brushed her hand over his cheek and said, "I'm right here, El."

"I know you are," Elliot said, kissing her again. "Thank God, you are." He gave her one last sweet peck on the lips. "Let's get to work, huh?" he questioned with a sigh, opening his door.

Olivia got out of the car and walked over to Melinda Warner, making sure Elliot was right beside her. "Hey, Doc," she called, sounding brighter than she had in months.

Melinda turned around and her eyes went wide. "Olivia," she gasped. "It is...so good to see you," she said with a smile, meaning it was good to see her more like herself.

"What have we got?" Elliot asked, trying like hell not to look down.

"Twelve-year-old female," Melinda said, shaking her head. "I hate the bastards who got after the kids. Please, get him, and sock him one for me, huh?"

"Will do," Olivia said, nodding. "Any sign of..."

Melinda stopped her with a nod. "She was," she said. "Repeatedly. This poor girl was tortured."

Elliot cringed, but took a breath, looked at Olivia, and then forced himself to look at the girl. "Okay," he said, "Any ID on her?"

Melinda nodded, handing him the medical bracelet she's taken off of the child.

Elliot looked down at it. "Shit," he said. "Her name is Casey Stern, and she's a diabetic. What parent lets their sick kid out of their sight long enough to be kidnapped?"

"El," Olivia said, a warning but comforting quality in her voice. "Why don't we go find out?"

Elliot sighed. "Yeah," he said. "Let's." He nodded at Melinda and said, "We'll meet you back at your lab. We wanna know everything, Doc."

"You got it," Melinda said, watching with a small smile as they walked back toward the car. They were back, and if she dared to think it, they were somehow more driven, more passionate, and more alive than they were a year ago.

Elliot opened Olivia's door, then got into the driver's side. He looked at the back of the medical alert bracelet and swiped his thumb over it. "Baby," he said, "Call Fin. Ask him to look up the address of this kid. She should have medical records on file."

Olivia took the bracelet and pulled her phone out of her pocket. "You just called me 'baby' while we're on duty," she said. "Might wanna be more careful, _honey_." She looked down at the phone, but before she could dial, it rang. She raised her eyebrows and answered it with a quick, "Benson."

Elliot watched with attentive eyes as Olivia bit her lip and nodded, mumbling noises of understanding into her phone. When she hung up she looked at him. "What, baby?" he asked, nervous.

Olivia's lips curled into a smile. "Cragen's awake."

**A/N: When they go see him, his reaction might be a little...odd. How will they handle their case? Porter's trial and verdict, and the new A. D. A. And do they finally give in and succumb to their desperate need for each other? Coming up, if you'd like to read it. Tell me here, or on Twitter. Follow TMG212! =) Thank you for reading!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Cragen's awake! When they go see him, his reaction might be a little...odd. How will they handle their case? Porter's verdict, and the new A. D. A. And do they finally give in and succumb to their desperate need for each other?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

It took a few hours, but the suspect they had in the Stern case was resting not-so-comfortably in a holding cell. Elliot had, in fact, socked him one for Melinda, and his temper, owing to the constant nagging reminder of his undercover case, flared high. He had to be pulled off of the perp and almost restrained, but Olivia, the only constant and calming presence in his life, next to his kids, mellowed him out.

Olivia had just brushed her hand over his arm, and was about to walk away now that he was calm, when he stopped her. "You wanna go see him?" he asked, tilting his head and rubbing his bruised knuckles, biting his lip.

"Who?" Olivia asked, her brow furrowed.

Elliot rolled his eyes slightly. "Cragen," he said. "You wanna go see him? Get outta here for a while? Hanley can handle the paperwork if we give him everything we've got."

Olivia smiled at him and her eyes shined, twinkling slightly in the dim glow of the single hanging bulb in the pit. "Yeah," she said. "I'll buy you a cup of coffee on the way out." She winked at him.

Elliot chuckled. "You haven't offered to do that in..."

"A year," Olivia said. "A year and two weeks, actually." She sighed as they began to walk toward the elevator. "It's been one hell of a fucking year," she said softly.

Elliot hummed in agreement, popping a piece of gum into his mouth. "And one hell of a fucking two weeks," he said. The metal doors slid closed and he looked up, silently cursing the camera in the lift. "Liv," he said, gritting his teeth. "I think we need a vacation."

Olivia turned her head toward his. "What?" she asked, confused.

"You and me, and the kids," Elliot said. "To get away...to get back...we've both been to fucking hell in a goddamned hand basket and back again, and I think we deserve some time alone, on a beach somewhere, to...heal. To get to know each other again, because I know there's some things about this year I haven't told you." The doors opened and he stepped off. "And I'm not telling you while we're both under pressure in this God forsaken city, at work."

"Yeah," Olivia sighed, looking at him strangely. "We could both use a vacation." She moved past him quickly, rushing out of the doors and toward his car, leaving Elliot wondering what he'd said wrong.

"Liv!" Elliot yelled, running after her, "I didn't mean..."

"I know," Olivia said, interrupting. "I just...I don't know if I can handle everything you need to tell me, just like I knew you couldn't handle everything I had to tell you."

"I read it," Elliot said. "I handled it. Baby, we handled it. You just...you need to know, and I need us both relaxed, and comfortable, when I do tell you." He got into the car, watched her do the same, and said, "Besides, if I can find a big enough place, the kids will have their own rooms. We wouldn't have to worry about them...seeing anything."

Olivia chuckled as she watched Elliot's lips curl into a smirk. A vacation, she thought, wasn't such a bad idea.

* * *

The hospital waiting room was busy, but Elliot and Olivia ignored the line at the triage desk and flashed their badges. "Cragen," Elliot said. "Donald Cragen. What room?"

The nurse knew the detectives and said, "Three-oh-two, but I have to warn you..."

They didn't stick around to hear her. They sped toward the elevator and made their way up to his room without looking back. Elliot took hold of Olivia's hand, knowing they would both need the comfort, and he pushed open the door. "Cap?" he asked, unsure if the man was awake.

"What?" Cragen asked, looking toward the door. "What did you call me?"

Elliot looked at Olivia, and she squeezed his hand. "Cap," he said, looking back at Cragen. "Uh, Captain Cragen. That's you."

"Oh," Cragen said, taking a deep breath. "They told me I would have some memory loss, Elliot. I'm sorry. Uh, captain of what, exactly?"

Elliot cleared his throat and sat down, making Olivia sit next to him. "The Special Victims Unit. You know who I am, but you don't know where you work?"

"Memory loss," Cragen repeated, running his hand over his forehead. "I know you, but I don't know how. I know things...and I don't know why." He squeezed his nose then dropped his head back to the pillow. "You two didn't have to come down here. You have work to do, don't you?"

Olivia smiled at him. "We're taking a break," she said.

"Oh," Cragen sighed. "Did you eat? You don't look like you've been eating," he told her. "Elliot, you make sure she eats."

Elliot chuckled. "She eats, Cap. She, uh, she's fine. How are you?" he asked, leaning forward. "I mean, aside from the random things you can't remember."

"I have a headache, and my shoulder hurts," Cragen said. "I'll live."

"Thank God for that," Olivia said, relieved, still clutching Elliot's hand.

Cragen smiled at her. "You don't believe in God. At least, I don't think you do. And, uh, isn't Dean gonna be a little mad that you're here, holding Elliot's hand?"

Olivia screwed her face up in confusion. "Uh, Cap, Dean...we haven't been together in over a year. He's in jail. And, uh, I kind of, um, do...actually. Sort of. A little. Maybe. Believe in, um, God."

Elliot snapped his head toward her. "We are definitely talking about that later," he said, smirking.

"A year?" Cragen asked. "Funny, I remember you talking about him, like it was just yesterday. And you," he said, looking at Elliot, "You are gonna have a hell of a time explaining this all to Kathy." He wagged a finger between the two detectives. "How long as this been going on?"

"Woah," Elliot said, looking at Olivia. "Kathy is...gone. Cap, we're divorced," he said, trying to look Cragen in the eyes. "And Liv and I have been fighting whatever this is for years. It's been...two weeks. Ever since I got back."

"Got back?" Cragen asked. "Where'd you go?" he asked, confused. "Why don't I remember?"

Olivia scoffed. "Trust me, I'd kill to forget all about this year." She looked at Cragen and said, "You really don't want to remember."

"So, I'm your boss?" Cragen asked, after a moment of silence. "Which means...wait...are you two still partners?"

Elliot nodded. "And we're gonna stay partners. Cap, we've been through hell this past year," he said. "You saw...well, I guess you don't remember what you saw, but splitting us up would be a very bad idea."

"Elliot," Cragen said, "I won't have the authority to split you up. They're not gonna let me carry around a badge and a gun if I can't remember an entire year. One of you...uh...fill me in?"

A doctor walked in at that moment, saving them from the pain of telling the horrible story to their injured captain. "Why don't we just let it all come back on it's own, okay, Mister Cragen?"

"Mister?" Olivia choked. "That sounds so...wrong."

The doctor turned to Olivia and Elliot and said, "Well, he doesn't remember being a captain. He doesn't remember anything that happened this year. I'm positive it'll come back, but you need to give it time." He nodded at the couple and said, "Visiting hours are almost over, so why don't you two go? You can come back tomorrow."

Elliot got out of his seat, then pulled Olivia up. "Okay," he said with a sigh. It was hard to take in, but understandable. If he could forget anything, it would be the year they'd had. What didn't make sense was how Cragen forgot who he was, captain of the squad. That had happened well over a year ago. Something wasn't right. Not right at all.

* * *

"So where are we gonna go?" Dickie asked, pulling another slice of pizza out of the box.

"Please, don't say Florida!" Maureen cried, rolling her eyes as she bit into her slice.

Elliot chuckled. "No, not Florida. I have no desire to be in the same state as your mother." He looked at Olivia, then back at his kids, smiling. "How does Cape May sound?"

Lizzie looked up at him, cheese dangling from the side of her mouth. "Really?"

"We used to go all the time!" Kathleen laughed. "That would be so cool! Do you think we could rent the..."

"The old house?" Elliot finished. "Already booked it. Next week."

The kids cheered, happy that they were getting a small piece of their childhood and their life with their father back.

"El," Olivia said softly. "Next week? The whole week? We can't...Porter's trial..."

"Was today," Elliot said. "They used our signed and recorded statements, the testimony we gave for the grand jury. Liv, he's toast. Found him guilty, on all charges. Thirty-to-life. Sentencing is next week, though. I told Petrovsky to call one of us."

Olivia looked at him, her eyes clear and her lips smirking. "You already had this all planned before you asked."

"I did," Elliot said, nodding, looking at his pizza. "Are you, uh, you mad at me?"

Olivia chuckled. "No," she said. "I think it's spontaneous, and crazy, and slightly inconsiderate. All very...Stabler."

Elliot looked over at her and sighed. "Yeah," he said. "I'm feeling more like myself these days. It's because of you." He looked over at his kids, who were excitedly talking amongst themselves about their trip. He took Olivia's hand and pulled her out of her seat, taking her into the living room. "Baby, I...I know this is gonna sound crazy, but...I'm not me without you. And I don't think you are...I know you're not you without me. I don't even remember who I was before I met you, Benson."

Olivia laughed slightly. "Ditto, Stabler."

"I think that's what's wrong with Cragen," Elliot said, looking into her eyes. "He can't remember this whole year of shit and trouble. Who that knows us would want to? He forgot ever seeing you the way you were, he's blocking out the pain."

Olivia tilted her head. "El, he can't remember..."

"He became the captain of SVU the year his wife died in that plane," Elliot interrupted. "He went back to before then, too. He probably thinks she's still alive, or that she just died, because he wasn't himself without her, and the way you were acting without me reminded him of it." He laughed bitterly. "If he could have seen the way I was acting without you...he would have started drinking again."

"You were really that bad?" Olivia asked, looking deeply into his eyes.

"Liv," he whispered, pulling her closer, "Without you, I went crazy. I wrote you letters, just like you wrote me, but I wasn't as angry...I was...well, you'll read them."

"You saved them?" Olivia asked, closing her eyes as Elliot's head dropped to hers.

"I did," Elliot whispered, pecking her lips lightly. "They're in envelopes, addressed and stamped. I just...I couldn't send them. I wasn't...I wasn't sure if..."

Olivia interrupted him with another soft kiss. "You should have," Olivia said. "But it doesn't matter now. We're here, and you know, and I know, and we're..."

"Happy," Elliot said, kissing her. "This is what happy feels like." His arms wound around her and he squeezed gently, kissing her again, this time running his tongue over her lips lightly. The kiss escalated, becoming deep and slow, and the kids stood in the doorway.

"Do you think Dad knows we know?" Lizzie asked, folding her arms.

Dickie shook his head. "He doesn't even know yet," he said. "But I'm pretty sure he's gonna find out when we get to the shore house."

"How do you know?" Kathleen asked.

Dickie chuckled. "Because she's gonna have to tell him why we can't come back to this apartment when the vacation's over, isn't she?"

Maureen laughed. "I still can't believe she found us a house. Everything she's been going through, and she made all those calls."

"How could Daddy not know?" Kathleen asked, confused. "Didn't he have to pay for it?"

Dickie, looking at his sister, said, "Olivia didn't pay for it, Katie, if that's what you're thinking. She has a friend who's pulling a few strings. Holding the house, letting us move into it, and Dad can put the down payment on it when we get back."

"How do you know all of this dickwad?" Maureen asked, hitting him in the head.

"Ow," Dickie said, turning. "I'm a Stabler boy, Mo. I did what Dad does when he wants to find out stuff."

"You eavesdropped on her phone calls, didn't you?" Lizzie asked, rolling her eyes.

"No, and I'm a little insulted," Dickie said. "Dad and I do not eavesdrop. We just...get close enough to purposely overhear things. But, no, Liz, I just asked her if she knew when Dad would be looking for a house for us, and she told me. She just made me promise to keep it a secret."

All three of his sister's stared at him.

"From Dad!" Dickie corrected. "You guys were allowed to know," he said. "I think."

Maureen cleared her throat. "I think we should leave them alone now. I've seen enough." She turned and headed back into the kitchen, followed by her brother and sisters, leaving Olivia and her father kissing in the living room.

Elliot held her tighter and kissed her with more fervor once the kids were gone. He snaked one arm up her shirt, feeling her bare skin, and her bra, that he was so tempted to unhook. He loved her now, more than ever. He smirked against her lips as he heard her moan and backed her into the bedroom, for privacy. As he lowered Olivia to the bed, still kissing her, he honestly didn't know what Dickie was talking about. Stabler men eavesdropped, and they were damned proud of it.

**A/N: So that means he knows what Olivia did, then? Is Elliot right about Cragen? When will he give Olivia those letters, and what do they say? And what is he going to reveal at the shore house? Will they finally get back? More? Reviews are always loved. Here, or on Twitter. TMG212. As always, thank you for reading. **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Elliot knows what Olivia did, then? Is Elliot right about Cragen? When will he give Olivia those letters, and what do they say? **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

"I think that's everything," Elliot said, zipping up a suitcase. "I mean, we're only going for a week." He lifted the case off the bed and dropped it next to the rest of the luggage near the door. "We leave tomorrow morning, for a week. A week without worrying about work, or..."

"You really think this is a good idea?" Olivia interrupted, biting her lip. "Just leaving like this, with Cragen the way he is?"

Elliot walked over to her and put both hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "Liv," he said, "If we don't do this now, we're both gonna crack. Again. I wasn't here to see it the first time, but I'm pretty sure I don't wanna see you break down on me. I couldn't take it."

Olivia hummed. "But the squad..."

"Can handle things without us for a week. I was gone, but it wasn't like I was on a fucking vacation. I was working my ass off out there," Elliot said. "I need a break, just as much as you do. I need to get to know my kids again, and spending less than five hours a day with them won't cut it. I need to get to know you again, because I missed a year of your life. And you need to get to know me, the way I am now. Who I am now. More than your partner, more than your friend, and I don't think you can do that if we're both at work nineteen hours a damn day."

Olivia sighed and closed her eyes, nodding. "You're right. I just..."

"You're a workaholic," Elliot laughed. "You don't want anyone doing your job but you. I know. They can handle it for a week, baby."

"Yeah," Olivia chuckled, smiling at him. "I guess they can."

"And before you even ask, I told Munch to call us every day with an update on what's going on, at work and with Cragen, so we can enjoy the trip."

Olivia kissed him, whispering "Thank you," against his lips.

"The kids are asleep, Liv," Elliot said, the barest hint of suggestion in his voice.

Olivia tilted her head and looked at him, a slow smirk spread across her face, and she asked, "What's your point?"

Elliot smirked back at her, walking her toward the bed. "This is our last night in this apartment. We should, uh, say goodbye, shouldn't we?"

"Last night in...your son needs to keep his mouth shut," Olivia said, rolling her eyes.

"Dickie didn't say anything to me," Elliot laughed. "I uh, may have accidentally overheard him talking to his sisters."

Olivia gave him a look. "Yeah, Stabler men and accidentally overhearing do not belong in the same sentence."

"Seriously," Elliot began, "I wasn't trying to listen. He's a loud kid." He pulled Olivia down to the bed, kissed her slowly, and pulled away with a new look in his eyes. He was silent as he reached into the bedside table, pulling out a stack of letters tied with a red ribbon. "Read these," he whispered, handing them to Olivia. "I never sent them," he said with a shrug, "Because I wanted to tell you all of this in person. But when I saw you, when I saw whet you'd become, Liv, I couldn't lay all of this on you."

Olivia's face fell as she held the stack in her hands. "This is so not where I thought you were going with this," she mumbled.

"I don't wanna take that next step until you know everything," Elliot told her. "Something in these letters might change your mind about..."

"No," Olivia said, shaking her head. "El, you know it won't."

"Please, Liv," Elliot said, pecking her lips again. "Just read them," he said, tugging the ribbon off.

Olivia took a breath and picked up the first letter. She glanced at Elliot, who nodded, and she carefully tore the seal. The letter was short, but it said, what she imagined, he only had enough time to say.

_Liv,_

_Please, don't be mad at me for this. I had no choice, you have to believe me. I shouldn't be writing to you, so when you get this, burn after reading. Or don't. No one can know you got it, Liv. Fin knows where I am. I told him...well, asked him, really, to tell you something for me. You have to believe him, too. I've been out here for three days, and I can't get you out of my head. Or my heart. I'm actually wearing one of your old college tee-shirts, that I bet you didn't even know I had. I don't know who they're giving you as a temporary partner, but, Liv, he or she is only temporary, because I am coming home. Soon. And when I do, I'm going to look you right in the eyes as I tell you, in person, what you've probably already heard from Fin. It's true, Liv. See ya soon, Benson._

_El._

"You have one of my shirts?" Olivia chuckled.

"Keep reading," Elliot prodded.

Olivia shrugged and picked up the next letter. She was careful about opening it, as she had been the first, and as she read the first line, she was taken back to exactly how she felt when he was gone.

_Liv,_

_It's only been two weeks, and I can't breathe anymore. I can't breathe without you. I physically ache in the morning, knowing I won't see you. It hurts to be out here, working on a case, dealing with victims without you. I can't function right, I can't do my damned job without you. I almost quit today, but Porter told me that you wanted me to stay, that I had a responsibility, an obligation to these people. That's just like you, putting others before yourself, before me. I have a confession to make. What I told Fin to tell you? That was a lie. I don't love you, Liv. Love isn't the right word. It's more than that. I see you, everywhere, in my coffee, in books, at least twice a day, but it's not really you, and it's killing me. I'm gonna get this done, and then I'm coming home, and I'm telling you, face-to-face, how in love with you I really am. Just don't hit me when I do._

_El. _

Olivia laughed, wiping away a tear, and looked at Elliot. "I never told Porter...well, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Elliot said. "If he wasn't in jail, I'd kick his ass." He kissed away Olivia's falling tear, then said, "Keep reading."

Olivia picked up the next letter, tore into the envelope, jumping a bit when something shiny fell out of it. She picked up his wedding band, rolled it around in her fingers, and as she read the first two lines, she stopped, and looked up at him. "Wow, angry much?"

"Hey, you wrote me some pretty nasty shit, too, there, Missy," Elliot said, pointing at her. "Just read it."

Olivia sniffled and read.

_Olivia Benson,_

_This is all your fucking fault! I can't eat! I can't sleep! I started smoking because it seems to calm me down, and up until now the only thing that did was you! Jesus, Olivia, why? Why did you have to make me fall in love with you, huh? My life was fucking perfect! I had a wife, and beautiful kids, and then there was you. You turned my world upsidefuckingdown. With one look at you, I knew I'd lose everything, because one look was all it took to know that I had to have you. She left me, today, Olivia! Kathy is gone, and she took the kids to fucking Florida, and I don't fucking care! Do you know why I don't care? Because I don't love her anymore, I love you! Are you happy? I actually said it. I love you, Olivia. So much that I'm fucking dying without you. You're across the damn country and I'm miserable without you. I need you like I need oxygen, Olivia, and I'm suffocating. I lost my family today, and I'm sitting in this hotel room, more pissed off that you aren't here than at Kathy, because I told myself years ago that once the ring came off I'd be all over you like white on fucking rice. Well, so much for that shit, huh? Ya know, I punched two of the agents that I'm working with today? Punched them. Knocked out some teeth and broke a nose because I'm flipping shit here without you! Shit, Liv, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I have to find a way out of this, and get home. Get back. And when I do, God, I am yelling at you! Then I'm kissing you. Hard. Because I can do that now. Kiss you. When you get this, take the ring and throw it off the roof of the precinct. Do us both a fucking favor._

_Elliot._

Olivia looked up at him, wiping away another tear. "You were going through..."

"The same shit you were," Elliot said. "Yeah, I was. One more." He handed her the letter, kissed her softly, and said, "I wrote this the day before I came home, and I meant every word." He handed it to her and watched her eyes widen at the feel of something in the envelope.

Olivia looked up at him. "What is..."

"Open it," Elliot interrupted. "Read it."

Olivia opened the envelope and tilted it, and when the chain fell into her hands, tears fell freely from her eyes. She covered her moth, and tried to read the letter through her tear-blurred vision.

_Liv,_

_My strong, beautiful, passionate Liv. It's been a year. A fucking year. Who the hell am I kidding, thinking you actually miss me? You're probably with some asshole who doesn't deserve you, or some son of a bitch that does who I have a right to hate anyway. I tried to call you, but they wouldn't let me talk to you. Fin says you're fine, that you're happy. Well, I'm neither. Liv, if there is any part of you that loves me, any small, insignificant part of your brain that tells you I could be the one, please listen to it. I know we haven't even held hands as anything more than friends, but I need you to know that I love you, more than anything, or any one. I'm not sure how this takedown is gonna go tonight, Liv. I might not make it, because these guys...they're fucking evil. So I'm giving you my dog tags. They've been around my neck since the Marine academy, Liv, and they're supposed to go to a Marine's spouse when he dies. I said spouse. I guess, what the means, is if anything happens to me tonight, I want to be able to think if you as my wife, at least for the little time I've got left. If, by some miracle, I'm quicker on the trigger, you can give them back to me when I come home to you. What I'm trying to tell you, ask you, is this. Olivia, you have been my partner, my best friend, for years. You have been my only source of strength, and faith, and true loyalty for just as long, as I don't want to go a single day more without knowing I've been the same to you. I fell in love with you a long time ago, and only being away from you has made me see how much I really can't live without you. I'm asking, knowing I'll never get an answer, if you'll marry me. Consider the tags a ring, of sorts, and when I get back...if I get back...I'll buy you a real one. Of course, if you say no, we can always consider this letter written in times of severe emotional disturbance. Forget I asked. But, Liv, never forget I love you. I always have, and I always will. This might be goodbye, Liv. If it is, you have to know that you are my love, my life, my Liv._

_Yours, always,_

_El_

Olivia was crying, clutching the dogtags in her hand, dropping the letter onto the pile beside her. She turned to Elliot and, though she said nothing, she toyed with the chain and brought it up to his head, replacing it around his neck. "You're alive," she whispered with a sniffle, "So those stay on you."

"Liv," Elliot said, wiping his thumbs under her eyes, ignoring his own falling tears, "I meant everything..."

"I know you did," Olivia said, nodding. She wrapped her arms around him, settling into his chest. "I love you," she said, loud and clear. "But I can't say yes to that...you couldn't have honestly..."

"I did," Elliot said, cutting her off. He squeezed her tighter and he kissed the top of her head as he said, "I'm not asking now, I don't need an answer now. I wrote that letter thinking you were okay, that you'd be okay when I got back. We can't jump into that yet, we need time. But the feelings behind the question are real, baby." He pushed her away and looked into her eyes. "I love you, so much, and I can't live without you. I know you feel the same way, so I'm not asking, but telling you, that as soon as we're both ready...I'm buying you a ring."

Olivia smiled, shedding her last tear, and said, "And when you do, I will be more than happy to wear it." She kissed him, making it long and emotional. When she pulled away, she asked, "What did you mean before? Our last night here?" She folded all of the letters and put them back in the drawer, crawling over Elliot to do it, and said, "It's yours. And the kids, but I'm not moving with you."

Elliot stopped her as she moved back, keeping her on top of him. "Yes you are," Elliot said. "We already talked about this, baby. You have to," he told her. "We can't live without each other. I know I can't sleep without you in my arms anymore, and the first time you slap an empty pillow in the face..."

"I stopped doing that," Olivia said, smirking.

"Yeah, my nose thanks you, but what happens if you do?" Elliot asked, smirking back.

Olivia bit her bottom lip and said, "I don't wanna know."

"Neither do I," Elliot said. "I wasn't kidding the last time I told you you were moving with us. I just got you back, Liv. I'm not losing you again."

"No, you're not," Olivia said, kissing him.

Elliot, taking that as an agreement to move in, wrapped his arms around her and deepened their kiss, running his tongue over hers, nibbling and sucking on her bottom lip, and sliding his hands up under the back of her shirt. Just as he was about to take the cotton in his hands and pull it off of her, his cell phone rang. "Seriously?" Elliot asked. He reached over onto the bedside table and grabbed his phone, answering the call with an annoyed, "Stabler."

Olivia, worked up and over-emotional, bent her head and began kissing Elliot's neck.

Elliot tried not to moan as he said, "Yeah, Munch. Thanks, man." He accidentally let a soft moan escape and said, in response to Munch, "No, uh, I have a headache. Yeah, we will. Thanks for calling." He hung up and dropped his phone somewhere on the bed and said, "God, Liv," as he tried to push her off of him.

"What?" Olivia asked, surprised that hew stopped her. "I thought you wanted..."

"Oh, baby, I do," Elliot said, catching his breath. "But that was Munch, and he just talked to Cragen's doctor. Don's asking for his wife."

Olivia's heart dropped. "You were right," she said, the mood now dead and gone. She sat up, still straddling him, and asked, "So what do we do?"

Elliot sat up, Holding Olivia in place. He wrapped his arms around her and said, "We go on vacation," with a small shrug. "Munch said Huang is gonna talk to him. We'll see how he is when we get back."

Olivia nodded, falling into Elliot's embrace.

Elliot smoothed Olivia's hair back, smiling, thinking about how wonderful their week was going to be, and how amazing the surprise waiting for Olivia at the shorehouse truly was. He kissed her forehead, knowing she'd love it, and knowing it would be the final step in getting them both back, for good.

**A/N: What happens when Huang talks to Cragen? ****And what is Elliot going to reveal at the shore house? I love surprises, don't you? More? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: What happens when Huang talks to Cragen? And what is Elliot going to reveal at the shore house? (sorry its soooo short. I injured myself, and can't be in my computer room for long. Need to be in my living room, soaking my foot in terribly hot water :( Hope it's enough, though!)**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

"Smell that?" Elliot asked, walking over to Olivia and wrapping his arms around her.

Olivia took a deep breath as she stood in front of the opened balcony doors. "Yeah," she said. "The ocean."

"No," Elliot said, shaking his head and dropping a kiss on her neck. "That, Liv, is the smell of freedom. Four days of beach, five nights of board games, the boardwalk, and maybe a little lovin," he paused, wagging his eyebrows at her, "And a week of not worrying about the consequences of being together, or Cragen."

Olivia sighed. "A couple of days of peace," she said. "After the year we've had, it's about fucking time."

"It's been way more than a year," Elliot said, squeezing her tighter. "I've wanted you for much longer than that. You know that."

"Yeah, I do," she said. "Ditto, Stabler." She laughed and turned in his arms. "Well, we're here, we're unpacked, and it's only three o'clock. So what are we gonna do with the rest of the day?" she asked, smirking.

"Kids are asleep," Elliot said. "Drive knocked 'em out. So…until we wake them up, we're technically all alone in this big, beautiful house."

Olivia looked up at him, her eyes shining. "Oh, what a shame," she quipped. She kissed him softly, leaning further into him.

"Yeah," Elliot said, smirking against her lips as his hands skimmed the hem of her shirt. "Pity," he mumbled, finally, after weeks of waiting and longing and trying, he pulled the cotton tee over her head. He gasped at the sight, thrilled and excited to see she had gotten most of her form back now that she'd been eating. "Liv," he whispered, pulling her bra-clad body toward him again, "You are so beautiful."

Olivia, tugging his shirt off as well, said, "You don't need to do that, El. You're…"

"Baby," Elliot said, cupping her chin with one hand, holding her head still so he could look into her eyes, "You are. I'm going to tell you that you are every day, every night, until you believe it."

Olivia smiled at him, and without saying anything, she kissed him again, with more emotion than either thought possible. "I…I love you, Elliot," she said, pulling back a little, gazing into his crystalline eyes.

"And I love you," Elliot said back, looping his arms around her. He spun her around and surprised her as he tossed her onto the bed. They both laughed as he jumped onto the mattress and peppered her with kisses. "So much," he muttered between kisses and chuckles. His hands moved to her jeans, and he popped the button.

Both hearts sped up, both sets of lungs began working overtime to gasp for air in quick and short bursts, and both minds were racing with nervous and anxious thoughts.

Olivia's hands, seemingly on their own, mimicked his actions and started shedding his pants, and soon both of them were lying, only in their underwear.

"Now, these are not the type of thing I imagine you wearing," Elliot said in a whisper, teasingly, as his finger trailed over the elastic of her pink, silk panties.

Olivia chuckled. "I am just full of surprises," she said.

"You are," Elliot agreed, kissing her, tugging a bit at the silk in his hand. "Are you sure about this, Liv?" he asked, still whispering, turning on a serious tone.

Olivia took another breath. "Yes," she said. "Very." She kissed him, pulling him closer to her and kissing him. "Make love to me, El," she said softly into his ear, before lightly sucking on his earlobe.

Elliot groaned and his eyes rolled back into his eyed. "Gladly," he said, his hand sliding down the pink material. He looked at her as he slid off her bra, too, and he said, without noticing, "God damn, Liv. Wow."

"What?" Olivia asked, propping herself up on her Elbows.

Elliot smirked. "You are fucking hot," he mumbled, before leaping onto her and allowing her to push down his boxer-briefs.

Olivia's eyes widened slightly as she caught a glimpse of his length, and girth, and she wondered for a moment about a case they'd had very early in their partnership. A perp had hit on him, a gay man, and Elliot took it in stride, smirking and saying, "Oh, I'd hurt ya." She knew now that he wasn't threatening. He was telling the absolute truth.

Pushing that horrifying thought out of her mind, she looked into his eyes, seeing all of the love and trust she was feeling for him reflected back at her. She kissed him, and her hands roamed his tough, muscular body freely.

Elliot's hands slid down, grazing over every luscious inch of her before teasing her relentlessly. He chuckled, feeling that she'd waxed, and slipped one finger slowly into her, making both of them moan loudly.

"Kids," Olivia said, gritting her teeth as Elliot started twirling his finger around.

Elliot just shook his head. "They can't hear us," he said. "They're asleep on a different floor." He added another finger, loving and relishing in this moment, also stretching her, because he was well aware of his size and how long it had been since she'd been with anyone. "I love you," he whispered, thrusting his fingers into her once more, swiping his thumb over her clit, then pulling his hand away, replacing it with his tip. "If I hurt…"

Elliot couldn't finish his sentence. Olivia had kissed him and bucked her hips, sheathing him inside of her. She cried out his name into his mouth, suddenly gripping him, holding on for dear life as she took a moment to adjust, to let the pain subside. And then she blew apart. "Holy shit," she spat, throwing her head back into the pillow beneath her.

Elliot looked at her, surprised, feeling guilty. "I was trying to go slow…"

"Fuck," Olivia interrupted again, "Baby, I'm not…in pain."

Elliot looked at her for a moment, then realized what he, himself was feeling. Then he smirked, saying, "Couldn't wait, huh?"

Olivia took a deep breath, her surprised, rushed, orgasm drifting away, and she said, "Guess not," with a soft chuckle. She kissed him and rolled into him slightly, telling him it was okay to move, and he did, keeping up a slow, deep rhythm. "El," she moaned, "Baby, this feels…"

"Perfect," Elliot finished. He kissed her, languidly, never stopping, as he slowly made to love to her, luxuriating in the fact that they had finally, and completely, had each other back.

* * *

"Well?" Munch asked, rising as Huang stepped out of Cragen's room.

Huang stiffened for a moment, then shook his head. "He's missing bits and pieces of the last several years. He believes his wife is alive, angry that she hasn't been here, yet knows he's a recovering alcoholic. He didn't start drinking heavily until after her death. He has no recollection of being in charge of the unit, but knows he works there. He knows Olivia and Elliot, and you, but doesn't know Fin. He knows Olivia and Elliot are together, and are partners, but doesn't know why that's a problem. He didn't know me when I walked in, I introduced myself as 'Doctor Huang." He called me 'George' when I left."

Munch tilted his head. "What the hell does all of that mean?"

Huang heaved another sigh. "It means," he began, "That either he has a very deep, serious, cranial injury…" he broke off, running a hand over his face.

"Or…" Munch prodded.

"Or," Huang said, shaking his head, "He's faking it."

**A/N: So which is it? Why would Cragen fake something like this? How does the rest of the vacation go? Do they get to have a relaxing family break, or are they called away from it? Find out! If you want… Leave a review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: So which is it? Why would Cragen fake something like this? How does the rest of the vacation go? Do they get to have a relaxing family break, or are they called away from it?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia woke up first, staring at the man to her left. She remembered a time when she asked herself, wondered, what side of the bed he'd slept on. She always slept on the right, even when she slept alone, and the fact that from the first night he stayed with her he had chosen the left made her smile. They never fought over it, they just fit into it. Perfectly. She sighed, smiling, watching him sleep. She loved the smile on his face, the way his body seemed drawn to hers, molding against it even in his sleep, and she loved that he was there. Still there. Back.

"Morning," Elliot whispered, rolling his head toward hers, giving her a closed-eyed kiss, and smirking.

"Good morning," Olivia whispered, her smile fading. She didn't mean to wake him up. She wanted to watch him, study him a bit more before they began their day.

"We're going out for breakfast," Elliot told her with another kiss. "I'm too damn tired to cook. You really wore me out."

"Me?" Olivia questioned. "You were quite the animal, too, mister! I'm not sure I can feel my legs just yet," she laughed. "We got back from the boardwalk, sent the kids to bed, and then you..."

Elliot kissed her, slowly, stopping her. "Once wasn't enough," he whispered. "I needed more," he told her, kissing her again. "I still do," he whispered with a low moan, kissing his way across her neck.

Olivia rolled slightly, falling onto her back as she let Elliot assault her with his kiss, and his touch. She inhaled and wondered briefly why he smelled so minty-fresh if he'd just woken up. She smirked, knowing he did the same thing she'd done. Woken up sometime in the night to brush his teeth, just in case this happened. They both knew it would happen. She slid her hands down his chest, feeling his muscles ripple under her fingers, and she blinked hard, praying he wasn't a dream.

"Liv," Elliot whispered, kissing over the tops of her breasts, "I promise, I'm never leaving you again."

Olivia moaned and nodded as she felt him suck a nipple into his mouth, and she whispered his name. A soft, "Oh, Elliot."

Elliot moved, shifted over her, about to push inside for the fourth time ever, since they'd arrived at the shore, which would feel like coming home all over again, but noises from the hallway stopped him. He dropped his head to hers regretfully, saying, "Shit, baby. They're up."

"And they're hungry," Olivia said, hearing Dickie yelling about waffles.

"So am I," Elliot growled, kissing her hard. He looked up at her, a menacing look in his eyes, and said, "We need to shower."

"Well, yeah, but...oh," Olivia said as she narrowed her eyes and smirked, understanding him. "Yeah, we do."

Elliot gently pulled away from her, pulled open the door a crack, and yelled, "We'll be ready in about an hour. Decide where you wanna go for breakfast!" He slammed the door and turned around, only to find Olivia had gotten out of the bed. "Liv?" he called. He listened and heard the shower running, then he smirked. He walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

* * *

An hour later, they were in a pancake house, a few blocks away from their shore house. They'd just been seated at the booth, with their drinks just about to order food, when Kathleen noticed something strange.

"Hey, Liv," Kathleen said. "Did you, like, fall or something?"

"No," Olivia said, moving so the waiter could refill her coffee, "Why?"

Kathleen lightly brushed a finger over a purple bruise on Olivia's neck. "Did something hit you in the...oh, God, some idiot you were interrogating tried to choke you! Dad, did you kill him?"

Olivia, slightly embarrassed, pressed her lips together in a wide-eyed smile. "Yeah, that...go with that." She looked at Elliot, who had a smug smirk on his face.

"Yeah, pumpkin," Elliot said, still smirking, "He got what he deserved." He leaned over and whispered an apology to Olivia. He didn't think he was leaving any marks.

Olivia chuckled and whapped him with her napkin. "Order," she said, gesturing to the waiter.

Elliot chuckled, turned, and ordered his breakfast, feeling a surge of male pride. He'd marked his territory. "And, uh, Liv, baby, what do you want?"

"A turtleneck?" Olivia joked under her breath. "I'll have what he's having," she told the young man with the pad.

Elliot furrowed his brow. "I ordered the Hungry Man platter..."

"I know what you ordered," Olivia said, smiling at him. "I'm hungry," she said with a shrug, sipping her coffee.

Elliot looked at her with love and relief in his eyes. "Welcome back, baby," he whispered to her, kissing her cheek.

"Same to you, El," Olivia whispered back. They watched the waiter walk away, and Elliot slid his hand under the table, grabbing hers. Breakfast just got a whole lot better.

* * *

"So, George thinks Cap's fakin' it?" Fin asked, looking at Munch, shaking his head. "Why would he do somethin' like that?"

Munch shrugged. "The doc thinks it has to do with making his life easier. He knows about Benson and Stabler..."

"Who fuckin' doesn't," Fin cracked.

Munch rolled his eyes and continued. "Not remembering he's supposed to split to them means he doesn't have to. And he doesn't want to be responsible for them going back to...well, I don't think any of us want Olivia to go back..."

"No, thanks," Fin said, scoffing. He sipped his coffee and said, "So what's all this about his wife?"

Munch shrugged again. "Trying to make it believable, I guess. If the only thing he woke up confused about was his job, it might have..." He was interrupted by the ringing phone on Olivia's desk. He answered it, "Special Victim's Unit. Detective Munch speaking." He waited, heard the person on the other end, and said, "But that's impossible. We're down two detect...you want who? Sir, they're not...right." He closed his eyes and hung up. "You think Stabler will kill me if I tell him he has to come home?"

"Yes," Fin answered hotly. "Why?"

"That was the chief," Munch said, standing and straightening out his jacket. "Homicide is kicking over an open case, after reexamining some evidence the killer their after is also a serial rapist."

Fin scoffed. "So, we can handle..."

"Chief wants Benson and Stabler," Munch said. "Said only the best can figure this out, and he wants it high profile, so the lead..."

"Yeah," Fin interrupted. "They're prettier so they do the press conferences and interviews, and get the glory, blah, blah, blah."

Munch tilted his head and folded his arms. "You okay, Fin? You seem a little bitter."

"Just realizin' somethin'," Fin said. "That's all." He got up and walked over to the coffee table for a refill. "I'll call him. He's still mad at me, anyway."

* * *

After breakfast, the Stablers went back to the house to change, and were now relaxing on the beach. The kids were in the Ocean, splashing and swimming with their father, while Olivia was lying out on a towel, watching them.

Olivia let her eyes, shielded from the sun behind her shades, drift closed as she basked in the warmth of the sunlight, her already olive-toned, bikini-clad skin surely getting darker. She squirmed when she felt a tiny splash of water fall on her stomach, and she opened her eyes. "Can I help you?" she asked, smirking.

Elliot, wet, sat on his towel beside her and said, "Yeah. You can cover yourself up. You're giving me a heart attack," he joked. "Seriously, Liv, you look incredible in that thing."

Olivia chuckled as she propped herself up on her elbows. "I haven't worn it in, uh, a little over a year."

Elliot smirked at her. "Glad I got you to take it out of hiding," he whispered, leaning closer. "And I'm very glad I get to take it off you later." He kissed the side of her neck, grazing over the mark he'd already left. "Sorry about this," he said, gently kissing it.

"You are not," Olivia quipped. "You knew you were gonna leave a mark," she chuckled. "And that's nothing compared to the one on my thigh."

"Can't blame me," Elliot said, kissing her lips. "I got a little overzealous. I'd been waiting for you for too damn long."

Olivia looked at him, cupped his cheek, and kissed him again, silently telling him he'd never have to wait for her again. Their kiss was interrupted by Elliot's ringing phone. He answered it, and not caring who it was, kept kissing Olivia. "Stabler," he muttered against her lips. He pulled away from her quickly, though. "What? No, that's not...tell him to find someone...Cragen would never...yeah," he said with a sigh. "I know he isn't. Yeah, thanks," he scoffed as he hung up. "Motherfucker," he hissed, moving away from Olivia.

"What?" Olivia asked, watching Elliot packing up their things, throwing things angrily in their beach bag. "El, what happened?"

"We have to go back," Elliot spat.

"To the house?" Olivia asked, getting up and picking up her towel.

Elliot shook his head, and hissed at her, "No. Back to fucking New York. Back to work, because apparently we're too damn good for our own good. Shit."

Olivia put her hands on her hips. "Wanna drop the attitude and tell me why?"

Elliot sighed, looking at her. "We got handed a case. A big one. We're on it, and we're on it now. We have to be back at the station by nine. Cragen's not around to fight the decision, and Munch won't argue with the chief."

Olivia turned and yelled to the kids, then turned back to Elliot. "It's okay," she said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "We had a good two days, and..."

"Liv, you know what this week meant to us, for us," Elliot said. "It's just not fucking fair that I finally get you right where I want you and..."

"And I'm not going anywhere," Olivia interrupted. "Just like you're not. We'd have to go back to work eventually, right? El, I think we got what we wanted this weekend."

Elliot kissed her and nuzzled her nose a bit. "Yeah," he whispered. He turned to his kids, wet and sandy, and told them they had to leave. There were general moans and whines, but no real complaints. They understood.

They loaded the car and headed back to the house. Elliot drove, hoping that being back to work so soon after taking his next step with Olivia wouldn't push them apart.

**A/N: Why is the case so high-profile? What finally proves whether or not Cragen is faking? How do Olivia and Elliot keep their life together hot? Find out...next...if you want it. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Why is the case so high-profile? What finally proves whether or not Cragen is faking? How do Olivia and Elliot keep their life together hot?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

Elliot stormed into the bullpen, Olivia wasn't far behind, and he rushed over to the nearest target. Munch. "What is so goddamned important you had interrupt a family vacation, huh?" he yelled.

Munch's answer was a nod to his left and a clearing throat. "That," he said.

Elliot, still fuming, turned to his right. "Chief…I'm sorry..."

"Save it, Stabler," the chief said. He nodded to Ed Tucker, next to him, and said, "You and Benson are on this as of right now. You two are the only ones I can trust with a case like this."

Olivia glared at Tucker. "What's he doing here?" she asked disdainfully. "If this is an IAB case…"

"Open homicide, after reviewing autopsy reports and photos of the crime scenes, is now a rape-homicide case," Tucker cut in. "The last three victims were cops. Your most recent was Officer Shelly Delaney."

Elliot's eyes closed. "Mother fucker," he hissed.

"The governor's daughter-in-law," Olivia said, equally shocked. "When? How?"

Tucker handed both of them a file and said, "Yesterday morning, around three a.m. She was cuffed to a pipe in an alley. She was cut up, and they used her nightstick to…"

"Jesus," Elliot said, reading the file. "What are you thinking, Liv?" he asked, turning to his partner, which was all she was at the moment. All she could be.

Olivia flipped through the pages and shook her head. "Angry, very personal," she mumbled. "A cop, maybe? We should look for someone who's been overshadowed by these girls."

"They're not from the same precinct," Elliot noticed.

"But they all went through the academy," Olivia said. "We're probably looking for a female cop who's not getting enough attention, or a male cop who thinks women shouldn't be cops and is pissed because they're better than him. They were raped and killed with the help of their own equipment. That's…"

The chief interrupted, smirking. "That's why you're on this case. You're halfway to solving it and you've only been here for five minutes. You two have a press conference at seven in the morning," he told them. "You need to have something to give people, calm the city and its cops down, and you need to give a statement on behalf of the governor." He looked at Olivia, eyed her up and down, and said, "Wear a skirt."

Olivia, taken aback, blinked, smirked, and scoffed. "Really?" she huffed.

"Yeah, really," the chief said to her. "This piece of shit is going after female cops. If he sees you..."

"Oh, great," Olivia said, rolling her eyes. "I'm bait."

Elliot cracked his knuckles and cleared his throat. "You don't need to think..."

"You're never gonna be alone, Benson," the chief said, interrupting. "Stabler will not let happen, and we're only trying to lure him closer to us." He walked away, nodding at each detective as he led Munch into the captain's office.

Ed Tucker nodded. "You're not in any real danger here. Trust me," he told them.

"The day I trust you, Tucker, is the day I call George in here to evaluate my mental health," Olivia said, folding her arms.

Tucker scoffed. "Yeah, we'll see, Benson," he said. "Ya know, if you and your partner trusted me a little bit more, maybe you wouldn't be in the situation you're in now."

"What does that mean?" Elliot asked, his temper rising.

Tucker smirked. He walked toward them, looked directly at Olivia, and said, "If Stabler would have trusted me enough to be his contact instead of Tutuola, then you would have been told where he was, you wouldn't be dealing with this shit with Tutuola or Porter, and I would have taken...such great care of you." He bit his bottom lip and made a small grunting noise as his hand shot out and grazed Olivia's hip. "You wouldn't have fallen apart the way you did," he said. And just as he reached around to squeeze her ass, he said, "You'd be so..."

Before he could finish, Olivia's fist collided with the side of his face. "Ass," she spat, giving him a vile look as he turned back to face her.

Tucker rubbed his rapidly bruising cheek and smirked. "You that rough in bed, Benson?" he asked. Then he turned to Elliot. "Or should I be asking you that, Stabler?"

"Leave," Elliot said, narrowing his eyes. "Because if I punch you, I'll break something," he added, leaning into him.

Tucker poked his tongue in his cheek and nodded to everyone, one at a time, and left without saying anything else.

The chief, stepping out of the office, shook everyone's hands, whispered something in Munch's ear, and followed after Tucker.

"Did I miss something?" Munch asked, seeing Olivia and Elliot pissed off and Fin chuckling.

Fin, grinning, said, "Tucker just made a move on Baby-Girl over there."

"And he actually walked out of here? Alive?" Munch asked, surprised.

Olivia, gritting her teeth, said, "Barely."

"Here," Munch said with a laugh. "Your statement for tomorrow, regarding the governor's daughter-in-law."

Olivia ripped it out of his hand, and without looking at it, she slapped it into Elliot's chest. She turned and headed for the coffee pot and said, "I'm not wearing a fucking skirt."

* * *

"You look so damn good," Elliot whispered huskily in her ear as they prepared to speak to the crowd, on camera.

"Shut up," Olivia spat with a smirk.

Elliot chuckled. "You should wear skirts to work more often. I mean, we couldn't do any field work unless you changed, but imagine how easy it would be to..."

Olivia hit him in the shoulder before he could finish his statement. "We have to be professional here," she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Here, yes," Elliot said. "Back at the station is another story. Your legs...shit, in those heels...you don't wanna know what I'm thinking about right now."

"Well, I'm thinking about the fact that once this fucker sees this, he's coming after me," Olivia said. "Your thoughts have to be better than that."

Elliot leaned closer to her and whispered, "Baby, nothing is gonna happen to you. I promise."

Olivia nodded and the chief introduced them. Olivia and Elliot stepped up to the podium, armed with their charm and three prepared statements that they read together, breezing through the conference like only true partners could.

Watching the news from his couch, now that he was home, Cragen gasped. "What the hell?" he asked himself, turning up the volume. "They're supposed to be on vacation." He stayed glued to the television, listening and watching, and his face fell. He reached for the phone and dialed a number. "John!" he yelled. "What the hell are Elliot and Olivia...no, this prick is gonna go right for her! That's the point? Are you mad? What the hell kind of Cracker Jack organization are you running over there?" he fumed. "You make the calls when it comes to your detectives, you can't...no, no, don't call him. I'll do that. And get whatever books about Kennedy and Elvis you have in there out of my office!" He slammed the phone down and shook his head as he grabbed his keys and left. He had to fix this before it was too late.

**A/N: So Cragen goes back! But how does he explain his sudden recollection of his memories? Does he remember everything? And George DOES pay a visit to evaluate Olivia's mental health, but it has NOTHING to do with Tucker. Why? Find out! Review here, or on Twitter: TM212**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: So Cragen goes back! But how does he explain his sudden recollection of his memories? Does he remember everything? And George DOES pay a visit and to evaluate Olivia's mental health, but it has NOTHING to do with Tucker. **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©**

"What the hell was going on here while I was gone?" Cragen yelled as his unit looked on, feeling like they were getting yelled at by their father. "It wasn't even that long and I have my two best detectives being threatened by a psycho, you ripped them away from a family vacation because you two dumbasses couldn't handle it, Ed Tucker felt Olivia up in the goddamned squadroom of the special victim's unit and no one did a damned thing, and Benson's wearing a fucking skirt!"

"That's what I'm calling it," Elliot said smugly, under his breath. Olivia elbowed him in the side and crossed her legs tighter. "Cap, relax," he said louder. "Everything..."

"No, it's not fine, Elliot!" Cragen yelled. "I gave you two the week off a month ago, you shouldn't have had to come back! And you, Munch, should have had the balls to tell that to the chief!"

"Not that I'm not thrilled to death that you're back, Captain," Munch said, rolling his glasses-covered-eyes, "But, uh, shouldn't you sit down and take a few deep breaths? I mean, this spontaneous recovery of your memory must be coming as quite a shock to you." He raised an eyebrow.

Olivia bit her lip and scoffed. "I was just gonna ignore that large, pink elephant in the room," she said.

Elliot chuckled and looked at her for a moment. "Cap," he said, "Tucker didn't assault Liv. She assaulted him, actually, but he knew he deserved it. We all did. No one has threatened us, and we had to come back because this is our job and we were needed. We can always take another vacation."

Cragen tilted his head. "Who are you and what have you done with Elliot Stabler?" he asked.

Elliot smirked. He wasn't about to admit that he was only calm because he and Olivia had gone at it up against the wall of a secluded closet half an hour ago and he didn't have the energy to be pissed off yet. "I'm just a lot calmer, and happier, now that I'm back," he said.

Cragen shook his head and sighed. "I'm glad," he said. "But you and Olivia were threatened. At least, Olivia was. This guy, or girl, is gunning for her. Your plan worked," he told Munch, glaring at him. "Now how are we gonna handle it? We can't send Stabler home with her every night."

Everyone in the unit looked at him as if he had just told them the world was flat. "He's staying with her," Munch said. "That's exactly what we can do."

"Actually," Olivia said, wide-eyed, "He bought a house, so..."

"She can stay with me," Elliot interrupted, covering up the fact that Olivia was moving in with him. "I'd just be returning the favor," he said with a shrug.

Cragen nodded. "Fine," he said. "But not alone. Whoever this is saw both of you, knows you're her partner, and is expecting you to try to protect her."

"Can we get back to how you got your memory back so quickly?" a voice from the door questioned.

"Hey, Doc," Cragen said, cringing.

"You know I needed to evaluate you before you could come back to work," Doctor Huang said, stepping into the room. "You need my clearance to..." he paused, looking quizzically at Olivia. "Hello, Detective Benson."

"Hello, George," Olivia said, wondering why he was looking at her like that.

"You look...better," Huang said, smiling.

Olivia smiled back. "I am better," she said.

Huang chuckled and turned back to Cragen. "I need to speak with you, Captain Cragen. Now. If I don't, then you have to leave until I do," he explained.

Cragen ran a hand down his face. "Fine," he said. "Can we do this up in the green room?" he asked.

"Wherever you think you'll be more comfortable," Huang said.

Cragen nodded, then looked around at his unit. "Fin, get on the phone and find out what we know about this guy. Munch, look back over the cases, see if we're missing something. Benson and Stabler, work on the profile, see who fits it. I'll meet you upstairs, Doc," he said. He walked up the stairs shaking his head.

Huang walked, stopping at Olivia's desk. "You look better than I have seen you in a long time, Olivia."

"Thanks," Olivia said, nodding.

"I really wish you would have talked to me," Huang whispered. "It might have helped..."

"Whenever I talked to you, I just got worse," Olivia interrupted. "But knowing you were there helped. A tiny bit, at least. So, thanks."

Huang took a glance at Elliot, smirked, then looked back at Olivia. "Is he still smoking?" he asked.

"No, why?" Olivia asked, curious.

Huang smiled. "When people have addictions, and then they can't get whatever it is they're addicted to, they substitute. You didn't have Elliot, you stopped eating and sleeping, becoming addicted to becoming numb. Elliot didn't have you, he started drinking and smoking and cutting people off. You have each other back, and now you're both...Benson and Stabler. You're both back." He rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "When I'm done with Cragen. I want to talk to you, Olivia," he told her, then made his way up the stairs.

Elliot turned to look at Olivia and he smiled. "Everyone's noticing, Liv," he whispered. "It's obvious."

"What is?" Olivia asked, sliding off the corner of the desk. She picked up a file off of Munch's desk and looked back at Elliot.

"That you're back," Elliot said.

Olivia smirked as she sat down at her desk. She looked at the picture of her and Elliot in the frame on the table and she smiled. "So are you," she whispered to him. The night dragged on, but they kept each other company, and kept each other happy, until they couldn't do much more. However, before they left for the night, they both wondered what was taking Cragen and Huang so long. Neither one had come back downstairs. Olivia knew she'd just gotten a lucky break.

* * *

They walked into their new house at half passed midnight, trying to be quiet, knowing the kids were all asleep. "El," Olivia breathed, clutching onto Elliot's head. He was kissing her neck, trying to pull her into their bedroom. "El, baby," she panted, "Fin and Munch are…"

"Outside," Elliot said. "They can't see us."

Olivia moaned softly, letting Elliot pull her into the room and he tossed her gently onto the bed. He tugged off his tie, smirking down at her. "What?" she asked, panting.

"You have been driving me crazy all damned day," Elliot said. He pulled off his shirt and pushed down his pants. "Absolutely fucking crazy."

Olivia licked her lips as she watched Elliot strip down in front of her. Every emotion she had felt over the last few weeks was melding with the new ones she was experiencing. The step they'd taken, altering their relationship, had made her more aware of what she already knew. She was hopelessly in love with him, and literally couldn't survive without him. She crooked her finger at him, beckoning him to her.

Elliot, naked, crawled over her and slowly unbuttoned her shirt. He slipped it off of her and kissed her smoothed out shoulders. He trailed kisses down her arms as she shed the shirt completely, and then his fingers grazed her skin as he nimbly removed her bra. He took a nipple into his mouth and moved his hands lower, sliding the zipper on the side of her skirt down. He heard her moans of pleasure and he chuckled, then let her nipple go. He slid down her body, taking off her skirt and panties, groaning as he did so. He kissed his way back up her now nude form, licking once up her slit on his way.

"Oh, God," Olivia moaned softly. She blinked once as he finally met her eyes and she had to run her hands up his body to make sure he was real. It was something she wasn't sure she would ever stop doing.

Elliot smiled back at her, kissed her deeply, and was about to push into her when his cell phone rang. "Damn it," he spat. He kissed her again and then he reached over to his discarded pants to get his phone out of his pocket.

Olivia rolled her eyes as Elliot shouted his last name into his phone.

"What? How?" Elliot shouted. "Oh, don't blame us! This was your brilliant idea! We're on our way. Did she get an ID?" he asked into the phone. "Right. Bye."

"Who was it?" Olivia asked, sitting up. She watched Elliot look for his clothes, then got up herself to get dressed. She chose pants.

"Tucker," Elliot said. "The psycho we're after followed Tanya from Computer Crimes instead of you, I mean, if you're blind in one eye you look alike. Anyway, in the middle of the attack Tanya got away, and ran back toward the station. She said she got an ID, then she passed out."

"Did she give them a name?" Olivia asked, wide-eyed as she pulled on her shirt.

Elliot nodded as he buttoned up his own shirt. He looked into Olivia's eyes and said, "Monique Jeffries."

**A/N: Say what? What were Huang and Cragen talking about? Do Elliot and Olivia finish what they started? Yeah, but where and how? Review for more! Here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Interrogation with Jeffries proves something: Benson's back, and she isn't going anywhere.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and its characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

"You done now?" Olivia asked Jeffries, staring at her from the wall of the interrogation room. "You finally got the one you wanted. I'm not even running," she said, tilting her head and opening her arms. "So what are you waiting for?" she asked, teasing. "Come get me," she whispered with narrow eyes.

Jefferies shook her head. "No idea what you're talking about, Benson," she said.

"Oh?" Olivia asked, feigning surprise. "You don't remember attacking Sanders," she said as she tossed down a photo of a young, female cop in her uniform. "Or Buchanan," she said, tossing another photo onto the table. "How about Donovan, and your latest work of art, Delaney?" She tossed the photos in front of Jeffries and sat on the edge of the metal table.

Jeffries rolled her neck, clearly feeling tense. "What reason would I have to hurt them?" she asked, trying to look away from the pictures.

Olivia smirked. "They were moving up in the world, fast. They were making headlines, getting commendation after commendation, award after award, and you…well, you aren't even a detective in the city anymore. You're a beat cop in Seattle. Seeing these girls everyday, it just reminded you of your failure."

"I failed because of you!" Jeffries yelled, standing.

Olivia chuckled. She was finally getting somewhere. "How, exactly, was I responsible for you sleeping with one of our suspects and drinking yourself stupid?" she asked.

Jeffries glared at her. "Frank got shot," she said. "There was a lead spot open, a chance to work next to Elliot, do you know what that could have done for my career?"

Olivia just raised her eyebrows. "So you wanted to be Stabler's partner? You were after the lead position," she said, standing.

Jeffries laughed. "I was so fucking close, Benson!" she yelled. "Paperwork had been on Cragen's desk for days, and all he had to do was make one phone call to the chief. But then you walked into this precinct, flashing that perfect smile and babbling about your experience and knowledge, and the minute Cragen heard you had a letter of recommendation from the goddamned Mayor, well…"

Olivia held up a hand. "Hold on," she said. "It took months for me to get transferred into the SVU, so I don't know what…"

"And when he saw you!" Jeffries interrupted. "The world fucking ended the minute you two shook hands. I mean, shit, I thought he was the type of guy to cheat on his wife, and I was damn sure trying like hell to find out, and just when I was gonna get the chance, he sees you and I have never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you."

"Okay, so you wanted my job, and you have a thing for hot-head detectives," Olivia said, getting irritated. "When did you snap, Jeffries?" she asked, leaning over. "When did you decide that every woman on the force who was making something of themselves had to go down because you couldn't get back up? And why, if I was the one who pissed you off so much in the first place, didn't you just come after me?"

Jeffries eyes went cold, blank. She looked, not at Olivia, but at the mirror in the room, knowing people were on the other side. She, somehow, managed to find his eyes. Elliot's eyes. "I wanted him to think they were random attacks," she said. "I wanted him to follow the clues, and I wanted him to think that you were so close to catching the bastard…" she paused, raising an eyebrow and smirking at Elliot, though she couldn't see him. "And then I wanted him to watch. I wanted him to be the one to get the call, in the middle of the night. I wanted him to be the one to see your body; I wanted him to be the one who felt like shit for not figuring it out in time."

"You wanted him to be responsible," Olivia said, turning toward Jeffries. "Why?" she asked.

"Out in Seattle," Jeffries said. "I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get him. I worked with him on that child trafficking case, we were there, every day, working together for a year and he was…so cold. He never even smiled at me," Jeffries laughed. "Then one day, he walks into the briefing room late, scratching at his wrist, so I ask what the hell his problem is and he shows me this…thing…on his wrist. You." She walked closer to the window and narrowed her eyes. "I was thinking to myself, 'That's not his wife,' and I knew then that the only way to really hurt him, was to hurt you."

Olivia scoffed. "Huh," she grunted in shock. "Your plan didn't work."

Jeffries turned and shouted, "It was going to! I saw all of those other girls, when I came back to the city, and that's when it hit me. Make him work for it. Lead up to my grand finale. Get rid of everyone who could possibly…"

"Get the job after you killed me," Olivia said, realizing it. "But they would have had to volunteer for…"

"They would have," Jeffries said as tear rolled down her cheek.

From behind the glass, taking a breath, Elliot turned to Cragen. "She was going after Liv anyway," he said, thankful they got her before she could.

"Yeah, even before the press conference," Cragen said, running a hand down his face. "And what is she talking about? You have Olivia on your wrist?" he asked, confused.

Elliot cleared his throat. "So we should probably get the ADA in here to…"

"Elliot," Cragen said, stopping him. "I'm not an idiot. I know she's not just staying with you, I know things changed when you got back, and I'm glad they did. She was a wreck without you and I don't wanna think about what you were like," he explained. "I saw you two in the hospital. Just be straight with me now," he said.

Elliot closed his eyes for a moment. He unbuttoned and rolled up his sleeve, then took off his watch.

"That is…wow," Cragen said, looking at the amazing black sketch of Olivia inked into Elliot's skin. "So we're clear," he said, looking up at Elliot, "In here you are nothing more than partners. In here, there can not be any couple-like behavior, and don't bring your personal shit into this squadroom."

Elliot nodded once, putting his watch back on. "We're not idiots, Cap."

The door opened and Olivia walked through it, shaking her head. "She went completely bonkers," she said. "See what you do to people, El?" she asked, nudging him in the side.

"Yeah," Elliot said with a sigh. Then he looked at her, a serious look in his eyes. "I have the tendency to make women who love me go crazy."

Olivia looked away from him. "You do," she whispered. She turned and walked toward the squadroom and said, "I'm gonna go tell Strauss he can arraign her, and tell Fin to get her into a holding…"

Elliot followed her and interrupted her. "I'll come with you, he said, rolling down his sleeve and walking next to her. "What did Huang want?" he asked, his voice low, as they headed toward the elevator.

Olivia sighed. "Just seeing if I was okay. He wanted to make sure I was…"

"Back," Elliot said with a nod. "You are, and after what I saw in that interrogation, Liv, you're better than ever."

Olivia shrugged. "That happens when you finally get what you've wanted and are actually happy for the first time in your life," she said, stepping into the elevator.

"I know," Elliot said with a smirk. He looked up as he got into the elevator and said. "You wanna make Al happy?"

Olivia furrowed her brow. "Al? Sweaty, security guy, Al? Why the hell would I want to…" She was stopped when Elliot's lips crashed into hers and she was pushed into the side of elevator. "El," she said against his lips. "What the fuck are you…"

"We were interrupted this morning," Elliot said, sliding the zipper on her pants down and shimmying the fabric over her hips. "I have been trying to get the image of you naked, wet, beneath me, pressed against me, out of my head all damn night, and I couldn't." He pulled on her panties roughly and drove two fingers into her.

Olivia's head flew back into the panel, hitting the emergency stop button. "Shit," she hissed, rolling her hips into his hand.

"You just bought us more time," Elliot whispered, twisting his fingers inside of her as he worked his own pants down. "Hope Al's sleeping on the job right now," he joked.

"El," Olivia moaned. "The camera doesn't…"

"I know it doesn't," Elliot laughed. He kissed her as he moved his hand and pushed inside of her, keeping one hand on her and one hand up against the wall.

"God, El," Olivia cried, trying to open her eyes as she hiked one of her legs around him. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her, kissing him as they worked fast to bring each other over the edge before someone came to get them out of the elevator.

Stuck between floors, inside of her, making love to the woman he couldn't live without, Elliot was finally home. Back. They were better than before, happier, more in tune with each other, and finally free to love each other. And he knew, now, that if they ever had to be apart again, they would always find their way back.

**A/N: Back and better than ever. Reviews? Here or on Twitter, they're always welcome. Twitter name: TMG212**


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